Freedom and Freelance

Freelancing is incredibly different this time around. I have such a better understanding of how to pitch new business, what kinds of documents clients want to see, etc. I'm also a lot better equipped to assess what jobs and projects are a good fit or something that I'm not likely to enjoy/excel at. I am incredibly thankful for my taste of agency life, and it's absolutely helped me grow in my never-ending quest for self-improvement and career advancement.

One skill that I've always been very strong at is organization - even at the agency I was consistently complimented on my mastery of details and project management. I find that organization is a blessing and a curse, because if my work space isn't organized I have a very hard time focusing. Over the years, I've learned that time spent improving my environment on the front-end usually translates to success at the back-end. For that reason, I spent most of my first week "off" putting my things away and reorganizing my desk in our guest room. Things are now exactly as I want them and I'm able to focus on potential projects without the clutter of piles of paper all over. 

Another thing that's changed this time through funemployment is how exhausted I am. I think that agency life took a much greater toll on my emotional health than I realized, and my body is trying to recuperate and acclimate to its stress-free state. I used to be able to get to bed at 9-9:30 and be up at 4:30 for Kaia, but I didn't even make it up by 6:45 the past two days.  I am hoping that my energy level rebounds soon so that I can get into a routine. 

One of the things that is always challenging working from home is time management. I've had a significantly more challenging time with that this time around, probably because I'm much more serious about launching a freelance career, improving my fitness and finding that ever-elusive work-life balance than I was last time around. I think I have a huge fear that I'll repeat my history of focusing 110% on work and going down the rabbit hole of poor eating habits. Then again, I am so much more aware of my personal needs than I have been at any other point in my career. Perhaps I've done more growing up more in the last 18 months than I realize. 

Migraines

There are definitely some less-than-awesome things that I am prone to health-wise.  For one, my asthma makes it pretty imperative that I get my annual flu shot, and even still, I've had a serious bought of walking pneumonia or bronchitis every other year since I was a sophomore in high school. Lucky for me, this is destine to be that year.  :-(

One of the other, far more inconvenient, things I suffer from are chronic migraines.  Starting in college, they tend to be significantly worse around "that time of the month," but I seem to have cluster and migraine headaches regardless of my cycle, and sinus headaches accompany many of my head colds.

It's especially irritating because I have varied  warning that a migraine is coming.  I rarely have an aura, but my neck becomes very stiff and I find myself stretching in from side to side frequently throughout the day without really thinking about it.  As soon as I notice that, I know the migraine will be arriving soon.  Similarly, once I am suffering, my neck is the one thing that sees no relief from my medications.  Even once I've managed the pain in my head, my neck is still.  It's not until my neck begins to feel normal, that I know I'm in the clear.

This morning, I have a particularly intense migraine.  I had my coworkers over last night to celebrate the Giants being in the World Series, and we made tacos and did a potluck.  Of course, with six girls socializing outside of work, we ended up hanging out and drinking margaritas more than watching the game.  But that was okay.  Sam was called in to operate, so I stayed up reading to wait for him.  We finally went to bed around 11:00, and I passed out thanks to the sinus congestion that has been zapping my energy the past couple of days.

Well, around 4:50 a.m., Hunter woke me up pawing at his water dish in our bathroom.  He does that to let me know when he's out of water and thirsty during the night.  Sure enough, as soon as I came to consciousness, I was in pain.  Deep, hemispheric pain that seemed to be radiating all the way down the left side of my extraordinarily stiff neck.  Waves of nausea were washing over me.

I sat up and the pain intensified, making it to the bathroom, bracing myself against the counter as I leaned down to pick up the bowl and then down to put the full bowl on the floor.  I reached into the medicine cabinet to find the Excedrin, my go-to over-the-counter method of relief.  I may have gone back to sleep, but at 5:30, Hunter was scratching on the front door to be taken out to go to the bathroom, and I figured it was well enough that I got up anyway.  My head didn't feel significantly better, which it usually does within half an hour after medicating myself.

Hunter and I headed downstairs and I was aware of the sensitivity I had to the lights on the buildings. When we came back upstairs, I dug into my purse and found my prescription strength migraine medication.  Then I settled in on the couch to wait.  Again, it takes about thirty minutes to kick in.

Around 6:00, Sam came out to find me sitting on the couch with my laptop and he inquired as to why I was up, and not in bed.  We chatted a bit and he proceeded to get on with his day.  Just before he left, he said that I didn't look well and he hoped I was feeling better by this evening.  I doubt that will be the case.  My head feels not quite right - not painful anymore, but not quite right, and my neck is still stiff.  From experience, I know that even if this episode is over, there will be another one on the way.

A Little Life Update

I know I haven't been posting too regularly but I am making an effort to stop sacrificing all of the things I love and enjoy doing in my free time starting in March.

It's been too long since I was at the gym, wrote a blog post, tried a new recipe, etc.

I knew I was signing on for long hours when I took the agency job in December, but I was naive to how long the hours would truly be.  At best, I get to the office at 8:30 a.m. and leave at 5:30 p.m. when my workday is technically over.  The catch, is that there is that things seem to have a nasty habit of popping up between 4:30 - 5:30 just as I'm thinking about winding down.  Or, I start logging my billable time at 4:20 but it takes me 20 - 30 minutes to complete because I make meticulous notes to help my Account Coordinate do the billing.  On top of that, we're supposed to be billable 7 hours a day, which doesn't sound too bad until you think about the time you spend in the bathroom, your lunch break, the miscellaneous time you have waiting for a meeting to start or recapping the topics that were discussed on a call with a client for your billing reports.  So sometimes I have to stay after 5:30 just to try to make my billable hours.

Since taking this job, my TMJ disorder has come roaring back to life and I am not getting the relief from my mouthguard the way I have in the past.  My suspicion is that after 4 years I have probably clenched so much that I need to replace it, and I have an appointment later this month to see my dentist and have new impressions taken.

Then there is the stress level.  I'm going to be seeing a new family medicine doctor next week and I want her to reevaluate my anxiety medication and see if maybe there is something that's a better fit for me.

So things are going to have to change moving forward.

A dear friend of mine (a PR professional who was working at an agency at the time) gave me some very real advice that I pass out as often as possible:

The first three months of a new job are terribly hard because you're just learning the system.  The second three months of a new job are horrible because you start to understand what you really got yourself into, but you're still figuring out your system to be successful.  At six months in, you've started to form your routine and you're beginning to feel like you're able to perform your required duties.

It's funny, in a meeting yesterday I had the mounting feeling of dread that I had so many responsibilities and so many deadlines over the next few days that I began to feel overwhelmed.  And then, an interesting thing happened, the thought occurred to me that I should put all of the pitching deadlines at the bottom of my daily task sheet at the beginning of each month so that I see them all and am reminded to chip away at them little by little.  Wow.  What do you know, I'm starting to come up with my own system for success and I've been there nearly 11 weeks.

Back in January, as I was lamenting the death of my personal life and the onslaught of stress and pressure, my dad told me that it takes roughly one year to become competent at a new job.  He promised me that by Thanksgiving I would feel 180 degrees different than I felt at that moment.

I know he's right, but sometimes I wish the timing of this opportunity had come six months earlier... but then again, I was able to accomplish SO MUCH for our wedding while I was working for my last company that maybe this is all for the best.  I will tell you this much, I LOVE my team and what I do.

I just need to remember that there are less than six months before our wedding, and I am still not in the physical shape I want to be in.  It's tough to leave Hunter alone for another hour and a half and get my workout in on weeknights, but hopefully Sam can help me pick up the slack there because I need to find a routine that gets me moving and commit to making healthy, vegetable laden dinners.

3rd Year Home Call

Last night was Sam's first night on call of his third year of his orthopedics residency.  We had a relatively quiet beginning to our evening, but around 9:30- in the middle of Pitch Perfect- he was called in for a dislocated elbow and a pediatric wrist.

Cue me worrying about whether he is coming home or not all year again.  Who knows, maybe I will get used to it this year.  Or maybe it just won't be that bad... I mean Sam was home by 11:15 last night and he said he stuck around longer than he probably really needed to.

And he told me this morning that he was paged every 2 hours and had to go in at 4:00 AM.  Talk about an ah-ha moment, I got up to go to the bathroom at 5 because Hunter wanted up on the bed and was whining.  I saw a light coming from under the bedroom door and went out into the living room to find the light on in our kitchen.  At the time, I was half asleep and it was puzzling but I shrugged it off and went back to bed.

Apparently Sam had just gotten home and forgotten to turn of the lights when he came back to bed.  He said Hunter was on the floor passed out in our comforters which we kick off the bed now that summer weather has returned to Southern California.  As Sam came into the room Hunter woke up and wanted back up on the bed, which was what woke me up.  Not the shrill sound of a pager, not the sound of Sam getting up and getting dressed in the middle of the night, not even the sound of the door opening and our alarm dinging (twice- once when he left and once when he came back).  Boy, I'm apparently a much deeper sleeper than I thought or I was just really exhausted last night.

Anyway, while Sam was at work the first time, I was left at home to finish Pitch Perfect with Hunter.  Good thing I have my little companion!  Pitch Perfect was a pretty good movie- I mean yes it was really campy but OMG it was also incredibly entertaining and the talent was absolutely amazing.

Girlfriends

Sometimes all that a girl needs is a day full of pampering with her girlfriends.

Sam was on call over night yesterday- he only has 3 calls left in his 2nd year of residency.  WOOHOO!

A last minute surprise, Carrie had the day off and decided to come down and visit for the day.  Carrie and I met in college, in a Spanish class during our junior year, and it turned out we were both Communications majors and had a couple of classes together for our major.  I think we took ALMOST every Communications class after that together- excluding the ones that one or the other had already taken.  She was a bright spot for me in school and since graduation I have really appreciating having Carrie and her fantastic family so close to Sam and I.  They have been so supportive of me and very welcoming and have always made me feel like I have family here in Southern California.

We had manicures in the morning at my favorite nail salon, grabbed lunch at The Counter (which is arguably my favorite burger place EVER), and then went down to my hair appointment with Jenn.  I'm a blond again!  I think Sam's happy but I'm REALLY blond- like it's going to take some getting used to for both of us.

We came home and took Hunter for a walk so I could get in my exercise.  I swapped the heavy cardio and weight lifting that I was supposed to do yesterday with the walk Amanda had scheduled for me today.  Even on my pampered days I can't take a day off from my health and fitness regiment.

We had a bit of a GNO after the appointment.  We went to The Daily Grill for dinner and picked up a dish for Sam that we brought over to him at the hospital.  Carrie hadn't ever been to the UCI Medical Center so Sam gave her the whole tour.

Being with Carrie made me feel so much better about all the stress in my life.  It is amazing what girlfriends can do for your happiness.

Now I'm exhausted from my workout and making dinner for us tonight and tomorrow night.  Hey, planning ahead is a good thing!  My legs still feel sore, but I do think I'm better off than had I skipped my workout and napped ALL afternoon.  As it was, I napped with Hunter for an hour before hitting the gym.

Anyway, here's to a great week!

Calendaring

It's amazing how quickly my calendar fills up... It's not even May yet and my weekends are already booked through June.  I do not say that to brag, believe me.  I would welcome a weekend of NOTHING.  No traveling.  No socializing.  No hosting.

Sam loves to go big on his Golden Weekends despite my desire to veg on the couch and recoup from the craziness.  Oh well!  Until the time when Sam has more free time I will be living and dying by my calendar.  

Movie Stars

My, my it's been a horribly busy week.  Jackie's bachelorette weekend was pretty fun- I got home and Sam let me know Jacadi and Sean were going to take us up on our offer to have them come stay in the guest room while they did some house hunting.

What an awesome surprise!  And better yet, we got to meet Isaac!  18 months after he was born, and a whole lot of photos later, but we did get to meet him!!!  He is really adorable, I mean seriously he's the most precocious little guy and he is so sweet with Hunter (BTW they are born like about 15 days apart).  They're pretty sure they found a place to rent until Sean gets himself a job (he was waiting to see where Jacadi matched) and then they'll be looking to buy a place.

It was a crazy week- our vendor hired a videographer to film a video testimonial for two of our clients.  How cool!!!  Right?  I am going to be a movie star!!! :-) The first was on Tuesday, which was a 9+ hour day, and then Wednesday I pulled another 9+ hour day doing some errands at the last minute after work.  Wednesday I was completely exhausted.  I woke up and felt sniffly and my neck was sore and I had a headache.  Today I woke up and had a bit of a scratchy throat.  Felt foggy.  I came home and napped this afternoon before I dropped off Sam's carnitas stuff at the hospital.

Man, I am just spent.  And I have another FULL weekend ahead of me.  Sam's parents arrive tomorrow with Leo and we're all celebrating Aunt Elsa's 80th birthday on Saturday.  I am so excited to see them, but I also think I'm in desperate need of some rest and relaxation.

So with that, I'm off to bed!  I need to get ready for Jackie's wedding next weekend- I will be going up on Thursday and I definitely need my rest before then!

Wine

Last week felt like it would never end.  I had two work events, and the culmination of a couple of big projects I had been working on since the start of the year.  Needless to say, I was so thankful when the weekend arrived.

This week has been completely different.  It's like I have jetlag from all the energy I had to exert last week.  I have no motivation and all I want to do is lose myself in mindless forms of entertainment- TV, internet, reading other people's blogs, drinking wine every night with dinner (one glass), and playing Roller Coaster Tycoon (please don't judge me too harshly).  

I have not wanted to blog myself at all.  Why not?  Because I am trying to ESCAPE my life of course!

It's all I can do to handle myself and Hunter (let alone Sam, who thankfully has been on call a lot) let alone relive the stress and drama.  Part of my problem is that little Hunter hasn't been sleeping through the night very well over the last two weeks- probably my fault because our walks have not been as regular or long as they should have been.

I did find time to make the ortho department cupcakes on Sunday.  I drove up to the hospital and met with Sam for dinner, leaving the cupcakes with his very sweet nurses.  For our on-call date night, Sam took me to the fish place in the mall across from the hospital and it was fabulous.  It was also expensive, but seriously it was scrumptious.  I had butterflied panko crusted shrimp and cajun halibut.  Mmmmm.

I am also a little overwhelmed by the travel coming up- Jackie's got her bridal shower, her bachelorette and her wedding two weeks apart for the next six weeks.  OMG.  I am so excited but simultaneously so exhausted.  I may end up having to take a day off after the wedding is over to relax and recuperate.  Plus, Sam will be off the week after the wedding so it would be good for us to relax and spend some time without so much distraction.

In between the wedding and the bachelorette party (which I get to throw- OMG I am so excited!) we get to see Sam's family for his Great-Aunt's 80th Birthday Party.  We have lots of family coming into town, and Sam's folks generously offered to get us a hotel up in Palos Verdes to hang out with the family.  I wasn't in love with the idea of staying up there on the weekend before the wedding, but I was looking forward to getting to see Sue and Rich and all the cousins (who I hope are coming down.)

Anyway, Sam's parents are going to stay in Irvine now, which is super thoughtful of them and I'm even more excited about seeing them now that I don't have to stress about the dog and getting my shit together before the wedding.  I am so excited about wedding season though, Jackie kicks it off and then we have Monique's and Dan and Tina's.

I'm also really excited about our 10-year class reunion, which I am co-chairing, in June.  And Papa's big 80th birthday party in July.  So many wonderful things happening in the next couple of months!!!

"Finals Week"

I am exhausted.  This was the longest week I've had in a long time.

Sam used to tell me that I had to "contain the crazy" during finals week in college.  He needed to focus on his exams and whatever drama was going on had to be shelved.  For the first time (I think ever) I told Sam I was "pulling finals week" during a Tuesday phone call while I was at my wit's end.

I attended a mixer event with my boss and sales manager on Wednesday night, and was up this morning at 4:50 to get to a conference in Anaheim.  Needless to say I am totally exhausted right now.  And sitting on the floor in front of the TV watching last Sunday's Walking Dead.  (Side note: I have appreciated the less gory Walking Dead story lines lately).

Lack of sleep, the stress of all these events for work, and Hunter getting up in the middle of the night the last couple of nights has taken it's toll.  I'm not sure if I want to pop open a bottle of Chateau St Jean chardonnay or spoil myself with take-out (neither of which are Making the Cut friendly ideas).  I would normally say that sitting down and curling up with a good book sounds like a good idea but even that sounds like too much mental effort.

If it weren't Sam's stupid 2nd year schedule maybe we could have had dinner together, but he's up at the hospital on call tonight and I am not really feeling like driving all the way up to the hospital to get dinner.  The hospital doesn't exactly have lots of healthy dining options near by.

I also realized that I have a hair appointment before Jackie's wedding scheduled at the time as Sam's great Aunt's birthday party on April 27.  I had thought (for some stupid reason) the party started at 3pm so I booked the hair appointment at noon.  Unfortunately BOTH things are set for noon.  So now I need to reschedule my hair appointment or arrive late to Aunt Elsa's birthday.  I just don't have too many options for getting my hair done with all the wedding festivities in the weekends prior to the wedding.  C'est la vie.  Perhaps I'll have to skip out on the gym Saturday morning and try to have my hair done earlier.

Downton Abbey

So this weekend I am recovering from the exhaustion of last weekend in NOLA.  I am very overloaded and overwhelmed at work and at home.  But at least now I'm relaxing on the couch and mostly caught up from the craziness.

Yesterday I spent the day doing long overdue housework.  It amazes me how much nicer everything looks when the dishes are put away, the carpet vacuumed and the laundry done.  I don't blame Sam, but my goodness, I wish that he would have the decency to pick up after himself a bit more.  It's tough to come home and have a kinds of things going on for me to clean up.

I also stopped at Lowes and picked up some plant food for our budding hydrangeas and rubber plant.  I also bought some soil acidifier to help turn my hydrangeas blue.  Apparently that is what keeps the blooms blue!  I sometimes wish we had a bigger patio area so that I could put more garden in.  Of course, now that Hunter likes to eat most leaves it might not be so great to have a garden.  But I suppose I could train him to keep away from all of them.

Sam really wants to move somewhere with a yard for Hunter, nothing too big, but somewhere were he can runaround.  Obviously I think that would be ideal, but I also think that Hunter prefers to be with us as opposed to outside alone.  It would be great if I could get a doggie door and have him potty outside by himself while I'm at work, and let himself out to sit out into the sun in the afternoon.

Today I bought the first three seasons of Downton Abbey on our AppleTV.  Mom and Nonna just love it and I have lots of friends who are in love with it too.  So here I am, a bit late to the party, but catching up with the masses.  I am enjoying it so far, and I can see why ladies enjoy it.  It reminds me a lot of A Game of Thrones to be honest... all the chivalry, the royalty, the servants being treated as family.

I think I will like it quite a bit!

Mommy's Little Pervert

Mommy's little pervert ate a pair of panties on Saturday afternoon when he wasn't properly secured in his crate... Mommy's fault.

Things seemed to be passing naturally until this morning when Hunter woke up at 3:30 AM and was projectile vomiting on our bedroom and bathroom floor from 4-5.  I haven't seen him so uncomfortable since he was neutered!  He was sitting beside me cowering, shaking, whimpering.  Luckily, I was working from home today, so I was able to call our amazing veterinarian and they got him into see one of the doctors at 8am.


We have an amazing staff at our vet office and today it was Dr. W. who helped us out.  She told me she wanted to keep him at the office for a set of x-rays (first set above) to determine whether he had an obstruction.  If he did in fact have a blockage, we would pump his stomach with barium to flush out the obstruction.  If that failed, Hunter would go in for emergency surgery.

Initially, I didn't hear back from Dr. W. and I found out later that the barium was sitting in Hunter's stomach without passing the blockage (x-rays above).  She had been debating whether he would have to do surgery when, miraculously, it began trickling through his GI tract! (x-rays below)

Dr. W. called me ecstatic that Hunter would not need surgery after she saw the x-ray above.  She wanted to keep him for a few more x-rays just to be sure that everything came out okay.

 

While I was in my meeting, Dr.  W. called to say that I could come and pick Hunter up after she took the last images at 3pm... nearly 12 hours after we got up to address his upset stomach.  Between the x-rays above and the one below, Hunter passed a 6-inch long thick accumulation of fabric.

Little Hunter came home and has been napping with his head in my lap ever since.  He's on a special diet while his tummy adjusts, and he is to have some R&R.

Dr. W. sweetly offered to send me home with the images for Sam to check out.  She also put in our insurance claim while I was at the office and she told me that if it gets denied (which is very doubtful) she will personally write a letter to justify her medical judgement.  I could not ask for better care providers for Hunter!  We will certainly be sending one of our holiday cards to the office this year.

Diagnosis

Earlier this month I finally went in to Kaiser to meet my new doctor and she reviewed some blood work I had done in February with me. 

Long story short, the diagnosis has been confirmed.  I have a form of sublclinical hypothyroidism called Hashimoto's thyroiditis or Hashimoto's disease. 

What does this mean?

• For the rest of my life I will take a daily thyroid horomone supplimen
•  Hopefully the weight gain, hair loss, exhaustion, and lethargy I have been experiencing over the last 9 months will go away with treatment.
• My body breaks down thyroid hormone and my brain has to tell my thryoid to work overtime to create more hormone than I can breakdown to keep my levels normal

I am currently in the normal range, on the low end, but my doctor explained that my thyroid will eventually 'burn out' and stop functioning, at which point I will officially have hypothyroidism.  By prescribing medication now, the hope is that my thyroid will continue working longer.

I can't wait to hopefully feel better in the next couple of weeks and be able to get out of bed when I wake up instead of feeling the need to doze and snooze for half an hour.  That's the biggest difference I have noticed in the last 9 months- all through college and until this year, I have been someone that wakes up and is awake.  Lately, I have started having serious trouble getting up in the morning.  First, I thought it was because Hunter needed a midnight potty break, but then he started sleeping through the night and I was still having trouble getting up.

Fingers crossed that the symptoms start to reside!

Long Day

The work keeps piling up, and there's still only me to get everything done.  I feel like I need to hire an assistant either at work, or at home!

I had the best intentions of making Sam a nice, home-cooked dinner tonight.  Instead, I got stuck late at the office and left close to 5:30... I called to check on him and he was still making his way home.  Ooops.  Needless to say, I stopped and picked up the pre-roasted chicken at Ralph's along with a bagged salad, an avocado, and 3 tomatoes.  Let me tell you, it tasted damn good.

And then I put in close to 3 hours of work while Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix played in the background, Sam dozed on the couch, and Hunter brought me his ball for an intermittent game of fetch.

All in all, I clocked over 11 hours working today.  When I finished after 9PM, I put Sam to bed, cleaned the kitchen and walked Hunter.  Then I did some organizing of my desk and am heading to bed immanently.

Tomorrow, I am headed up to Sherman Oaks (LA) for an 11-2 meeting.  Thankfully, Pete and Margaux lent me Invictus on tape and I will probably knock out 3.5 of the 9.5 hours while commuting in traffic.  Ah, the life of a young professional.

PS- Too tired to even process this, but I officially got word that I have satisfied the requirements for the UCI Extensions Program Marketing Certificate.  Woohoo!  I set out to accomplish this and start a career in marketing back in January 2011 and 21 months later I have accomplished both things.  More about this later!

On Track

Hunter & I got up at 5 AM for our run this morning.  Boy does it feel good to work out in the morning again- I am definitely prefer it to the evenings when I'm home from work and want to relax.

I seriously thought about going to bed at 7:30 tonight.  Sam was on call last night at the hospital and he was exhausted when he got home today.  So, curled up with Sam and Hunter in our bed while we had a tropical rain storm outside, it was very tempting to give in and drift off.  However, I didn't think Hunter would sleep all night if we went to bed that early, or worse, he'd be up and destroy something while unattended.  Hunter and I took our evening walk, I washed my face (and applied some Biore strips), and now we're hanging out at the table blogging and intermittently playing fetch while trying to avoid waking Sam up.

Hunter loves fetch.  I almost wish I didn't teach him in the first place because he gets real pouty if you don't throw the ball back on his schedule.  And this poor kid is in for a rude reality check in about 12 minutes when I head to bed.  He would fetch all night if I let him!

Anyway, here's to Sam having this weekend off and me still having WAY too much homework to catch up on.  :-(  I hope by Sunday night I am in a much better place!