Summer 2014

I love summer, but 2014 is going to be a big one!

This summertime, I am a bride, having the experience of a lifetime, surrounded by my family and friends and overwhelmed with the unconditional love that has been so prevalent during the wedding planning process.  

Our wedding is set for August and so far almost everything we've experienced has been fun - at least to some degree!  We're planning our wedding, one of the sweetest chapters in our love story, and looking toward the future.  Yes, wedding planning has been hard work, but life is full of hard work!  That's what makes us appreciate the fun times!  

Over the past 10 months of our engagement, Sam and I have done a lot of growing up.  We've really begun to make plans for our future together as our own little family unit and I am so excited to see what's in store for us!  

Boys Trip

Sam called me on Monday and told me he was taking off on a six-day trip with friends.  I had known that he had a week off and was planning on trying to coordinate something last minute, but I did expect more notice that I was given.

I also expected that he'd accomplish more than 1.5 of the chores I left for him before heading to work.  C'est la vie.

I don't want anyone to think that I'm a tyrant, I actually really encourage Sam to take trips with his friends and leave me home.  My dad has an annual fishing trip, which has evolved a bit over the years and now is a bit less about roughing it and more about relaxing and being man-pampered.  But still, I remember how much my dad looked forward to those escapes... and how excited he was when he got home.  Absence really does make the heart grow fonder sometimes.

This week I've realized that I am overjoyed to be marrying my best friend in the whole world.  He encourages me to push my limits professionally and personally while supporting me and making sure I know what a great person I am.  He's the first person I want to talk to, and maybe more importantly, he's the person I was to sit quietly with in bed reading books or on the couch watching a movie.

I'm looking forward to picking Sam up from the airport on Saturday.  Especially since he's leaving again next Thursday - Saturday and then again the second week of June for work functions.  Good thing he's marrying an independent woman!  And, once again, I'm thankful for our long-distance days in college.

Doing the Right Thing

Today I was faced with doing the right thing and doing the easy thing a la Professor Dumbledore.  I want to believe I did the right thing, but it certainly wasn't easy.

Some people might go so far as to say that I stuck my nose in business that I had no business getting involved with.  And those people might be right about that.  I am certainly one to stick my nose where it doesn't belong for the good of a friend...  even if it isn't going to make me any friends.

The reality is I am a direct, confrontational person by nature and I am willing to make things a little awkward upfront to make sure that everything is okay later on.  My philosophy is the worst case scenario would be that I was in an uncomfortable position that could have been avoided!

And I think that we accomplished what we sent out to accomplish!

Ignoring the Skeptics

I recently read a blog by Seth Godin called Proving the skeptics wrong and it really struck a chord with me.

Lately I have been feeling like no matter how hard I try, it isn't good enough for some of the people in my life... two in particular and one especially.  

I really let it get to me when I hear nasty things that have been fabricated about me.  I grew up in a family where we called each other out on our bullshit and sitting idly by while people blatantly make things up to manipulate other people.  Have some accountability people!

It makes me doubt my self worth and question who and what I am.  It causes me to question whether or not I am worthy of these people's approval or respect.  Ultimately, it makes me so disappointed in the actions of this person and I spend so much of my precious time dwelling on the whole mess far more than I should be and than is healthy for me.

I need to stop.  Like Seth says, "Instead of working so hard to prove the skeptics wrong, it makes a lot more sense to delight the true believers."  I need to surround myself with the people who fill my life with love and happiness.  I need to stop bending over backward for the people who couldn't care less and focus my energy on the people who appreciate the things I do.

Zombie Apocalypse on I-5

So this Sunday we drove back from NorCal where we had been for Dan & Tina's wedding.  Sam, Steve, Hunter and I made the road trip together, and boy was it a shitty drive back to Orange County.

Somewhere just after Buttonwillow, we got stuck in heinous traffic.  It was so bad we ended up pulling off the freeway and to the Chevron station.  I had to use the rest room so badly, and you would not believe it, but the stupid girls working shut the bathrooms down.  WTF!? Who does that?!  To say I was unhappy would be a serious understatement!

It was like a zombie apocalypse trying to get out of there.  The cars were coming over the curbs to get into the gas station.  People were streaming into the mini mart as if they were fleeing a herd of starving, blood thirsty undead.

I was dying.  We hopped in the car and drove to the opposite side of the freeway.  There we encountered a line 25 ladies long.  It was completely ridiculous.  We did use the time to stock up on snack supplies like corn nuts, starburst, some cool soda candy Steve found and other junk.

We left I-5 and headed for highway 99 to continue on our way over the grapevine.  On the way, we passed a Sonic and stopped to use the bathrooms.  Oh sweet baby Jesus, what a relief!!!

So we continued our journey South and once we got up into the grapevine we were surprised to find a huge patch of scorched land with patches of flames still burning.  Well, okay then, good reason for the backup.

By the time Sam and I dropped Steve off, and finally made it home it was 8 hours since we left my parents' house.  Oy.  Needless to say, it was good to have friends making the trip with us.

The Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy is a vile emotion.  it brings out the things we despise the most in ourselves.  It breeds insecurity and self-doubt.

Yes, sometimes it is a natural response to a situation, but it needs to be kept in check.

Comparing ourselves to others is best kept to a minimum, as is worrying about the things we don't have and can't attain.

Most importantly, jealousy should never get in the way of celebrating the successes and milestones of good friends.

That, unfortunately, is something I am struggling with this week.

Ryan, DDS

Sophomore year in Isla Vista 

Tomorrow I get to take the day off of work and attend a very special graduation ceremony for Sam's college roommate, Ryan, as he becomes the first DDS (and I think doctor of any kind) in his family.  

Ryan and I became really close during undergrad because he and Sam shared a room Junior and Senior year, and because Ryan and I have very similar families.  From the get-go we meshed really well and I always loved making dinner as a house, hearing how his parents and sisters were doing, and spending free time down at the beach.  As you can see from these photos of us, there was also quite a bit of drinking... but I will say this, I only had to take him to urgent care once (that I remember) for injuries sustained while drunk.  

Junior year in Isla Vista

Ryan is one of those guys who is actually a wonderful person.  It's hard to come by guys like that these days, although I am certainly blessed to know quite a few upstanding dudes.  Ryan was always a great moral compass without judging too much.  He had good advice for me and sought out advice about his life from me.  I would say Ryan is someone I absolutely consider to be a brother from another mother!

Anyway, poor Sam is stuck at work tomorrow, oh the joys of residency and especially 2nd year of residency.  So I will be attending Ryan's graduation solo (and meeting up with lots of the old UCSB crew.  We bought him a gift to commemorate the occasion, something he will be able to have a long time and enjoy.  Or so we hope.

Ryan is definitely one of those friends that I know Sam and I will be close to for the rest of our lives.  Just like some of my parents' friends who they've been tight with since high school and college.  Despite the distance we'll face as Ryan moves back to Northern California to start his career in dentistry, I am sure we'll still keep in touch and visit each other as often as we can.  That's just the kind of guy Ryan is.  Thoughtful, kind, someone who makes the effort to spend your birthday with you- even if it means driving out of his way and changing his plans.

Senior year at the Del Playa house in Isla Vista

Disappointment

Disappointment is one of my greatest inhibitors to success.  The fear of disappointing my parents was something I struggled so much with in college that I worked with a therapist for years to overcome it.  I will never forget what Dr. Annette Cody told me the first day we met, "life is a journey and not everyone in your life will be able to come along with you."  I remember driving home from the appointment wondering which people that would be.

As I learned to stand up for what I believe in, I found that my true friends and my family stuck by me no matter what.  I saw that living in fear of disappointing other people is really a manifestation of my fear of being rejected by the people closest to me.  By allowing other people to dictate my actions I am only disappointing myself and squandering the opportunities in my life.

Some people fell out of my life imminently while others slowly faded into the background and then out of the picture completely.  I let some people go without resistance, but I fought for others until the bitter end.  Even now, I find  myself acknowledging the end of relationships with friends and coworkers.  Sometimes they are moving on to new chapters that I'm not ready to experience yet and sometimes I am moving on before they are ready.  I feel no bitterness at being "left behind" and I don't place blame.  It's said things fall apart so better things can come together- I believe that as old relationships fade new people come into our lives to fill those gaps.

In the last few years I have done some soul-searching.  I have taken stock of the people around me and I have asked myself some tough questions about my life.  Am I happy?  What do I want in life?  I made the decision to purposely distance myself from some people in my life.  It was not easy, but it was not as difficult as I expected it to be either.

I can choose to be disappointed in myself that these friendships weren't as lasting as I had thought they would be, or I can look to the future and begin to surround myself with engaging, supportive people who can provide me the support and and energy I want to have in my life.  I choose the latter.

It's possible that in time paths will cross again, and I welcome that opportunity in the future.