Wedding Planning Compromises

It's funny, and probably a good sign, that I don't mind compromising with Sam on wedding details.  I am really, really proud of him and how involved he has been in planning things like our invitations (which he seriously was SO meticulous about I was shocked!) and meeting different officiants.

He's also been really involved with my family of his own volition, which is really nice.  Not that Sam wasn't supportive of my family, but he's been really tight on free time and he doesn't get to spend enough time with his family so my family sometimes ends up taking a backseat unless they come down to visit us in Irvine - which they do A LOT and we really do appreciate that immensely!  

But lately, since even before we got engaged, Sam's been doing little things as well as big things.  He's making the effort to see my family and celebrate big milestones with us the way I have done with his family over the last several years.  He came with me for Papa's 80th birthday when we got the entire Santi family together and he opted to stay at my parents' house one night when we were in town last weekend.  

He has been so great helping me manage my stress, too.  I was getting a little overwhelmed trying to please everyone and mediate every decision we made, so Sam stepped up and agreed that he would be the spokesperson for his side of the family regarding wedding stuff while I was the spokesperson for my side of the family.  That's reduced my stress a lot and makes me even more sure about making this huge commitment to Sam next year.  He is a great partner, teammate and friend.  I am incredibly lucky to spend my life with him.

Christmas Eve Conundrum

Sam mentioned that he wanted to spend Christmas Eve with my parents since we'll be in Northern California over the holidays this year.

Obviously, I was thrilled by the thought of spending time with my family at the holidays.

Then Sam started getting concerned about the repercussions of spending the holidays with my family when it's our year to spend Christmas with Sam's side of the family.  And we'll have just spent Thanksgiving with my family in Irvine.

So far, my parents haven't said a word about me missing Christmas Day to be with the Galle family.  They have been really supportive of us making our plans and even told my mom's side of the family that unfortunately I won't be able to get together on Christmas Day despite that being the only definite day my cousin has off work.  My mom said she does hope to spend one day celebrating with us, but it doesn't matter to her which day that is.

Objectively, I don't think it's too terrible of us to split our time a little bit between the families since our parents still live just about 10 minutes apart.  I know if we were spending Christmas with my family in Moraga, I would want to make sure we saw Sam's family on Christmas Eve and I'm sure my parents would understand.

I guess we'll have to ride this out a little bit and see what happens over the next couple of weeks.

A Second Full-Time Job

Woah, wedding planning is slowly taking over my life.  Not that I'm complaining, and I'm not overwhelmed (yet), but it's definitely taking up the majority of my free-time.

Even little things, like getting the room block together for the resort we're getting married at, have become bigger projects than I anticipated.  Thankfully, Sam's been wonderful so far and only chimes in when I have some options for him to choose from or when he feels really strongly about something - which is rarely the case.

The one recurring point of contention is the officiant for our ceremony.  The rabbi that married Sam's parents is still alive, and Sue has been pressuring me to have him marry us for what seems like the last six years.  To my credit, I have firmly stood my ground that I feel uncomfortable having the rabbi who married her perform our ceremony because the priest who married my parents is also also still alive.  Beyond the officiant, I don't think it would be fair to either side of the family to choose to be married in a religious ceremony when there are such varying degrees of religious commitment in our families.  Sam's dad is agnostic, his mom was raised by a Jewish father and Irish Catholic mother, my father grew up Catholic, my mother converted to Catholicism to get married in the Catholic church and both my parents attended Catholic high schools and a Catholic college.  Because of this, choosing an officiant is was one of the main things I have been dreading about wedding planning since long before we were engaged.

I have done more than my part to learn and celebrate the Jewish holidays and customs, but, despite pressure from Sam's mom,  I have been adamantly opposed to converting to Judaism.  I would never dream of asking Sam to give up his family customs in favor of mine, and I think it's insensitive that I would be put in the position where I would feel pressured to do so.  

Luckily, Sam is not pressuring me about having a Jewish wedding or asking the rabbi to perform our wedding (yet).  The rabbi will be performing the ceremony at the wedding we attend on Sunday, so it will give Sam and I an opportunity to see him in action.  Sam has promised his mom that we'll meet the rabbi before we make any decisions, but he has been very careful not to commit us to anything or make any comments for or against the rabbi.

To help us make our decision, we have appointments later this month with two well respected officiants who are local to the area and very comfortable performing interfaith marriages.  It's my hope that we will click with one of them and this will save me from having to compromise on something as big as who will preside over Sam and I committing ourselves to one another for the rest of our lives.  Obviously there will be compromises I have to make over the next couple of months, but this isn't one that I'm comfortable with and I don't feel like this is something I can brush off without having serious regret later.