Migraines

There are definitely some less-than-awesome things that I am prone to health-wise.  For one, my asthma makes it pretty imperative that I get my annual flu shot, and even still, I've had a serious bought of walking pneumonia or bronchitis every other year since I was a sophomore in high school. Lucky for me, this is destine to be that year.  :-(

One of the other, far more inconvenient, things I suffer from are chronic migraines.  Starting in college, they tend to be significantly worse around "that time of the month," but I seem to have cluster and migraine headaches regardless of my cycle, and sinus headaches accompany many of my head colds.

It's especially irritating because I have varied  warning that a migraine is coming.  I rarely have an aura, but my neck becomes very stiff and I find myself stretching in from side to side frequently throughout the day without really thinking about it.  As soon as I notice that, I know the migraine will be arriving soon.  Similarly, once I am suffering, my neck is the one thing that sees no relief from my medications.  Even once I've managed the pain in my head, my neck is still.  It's not until my neck begins to feel normal, that I know I'm in the clear.

This morning, I have a particularly intense migraine.  I had my coworkers over last night to celebrate the Giants being in the World Series, and we made tacos and did a potluck.  Of course, with six girls socializing outside of work, we ended up hanging out and drinking margaritas more than watching the game.  But that was okay.  Sam was called in to operate, so I stayed up reading to wait for him.  We finally went to bed around 11:00, and I passed out thanks to the sinus congestion that has been zapping my energy the past couple of days.

Well, around 4:50 a.m., Hunter woke me up pawing at his water dish in our bathroom.  He does that to let me know when he's out of water and thirsty during the night.  Sure enough, as soon as I came to consciousness, I was in pain.  Deep, hemispheric pain that seemed to be radiating all the way down the left side of my extraordinarily stiff neck.  Waves of nausea were washing over me.

I sat up and the pain intensified, making it to the bathroom, bracing myself against the counter as I leaned down to pick up the bowl and then down to put the full bowl on the floor.  I reached into the medicine cabinet to find the Excedrin, my go-to over-the-counter method of relief.  I may have gone back to sleep, but at 5:30, Hunter was scratching on the front door to be taken out to go to the bathroom, and I figured it was well enough that I got up anyway.  My head didn't feel significantly better, which it usually does within half an hour after medicating myself.

Hunter and I headed downstairs and I was aware of the sensitivity I had to the lights on the buildings. When we came back upstairs, I dug into my purse and found my prescription strength migraine medication.  Then I settled in on the couch to wait.  Again, it takes about thirty minutes to kick in.

Around 6:00, Sam came out to find me sitting on the couch with my laptop and he inquired as to why I was up, and not in bed.  We chatted a bit and he proceeded to get on with his day.  Just before he left, he said that I didn't look well and he hoped I was feeling better by this evening.  I doubt that will be the case.  My head feels not quite right - not painful anymore, but not quite right, and my neck is still stiff.  From experience, I know that even if this episode is over, there will be another one on the way.

Loss

One of my mentors was terminated from her job a little over a year ago, and she's been a great resource to me during the last week.

She reminded me that it's important for me to get clear on my goals and what I want out of a job and career before I start applying to positions.  Oops.  I already sent my resume out a few times to various people who had me recommended to them via mutual colleagues.

Anyway, the other thing I was told, is that being let go from a job is a loss that has stages similar to grieving.  She told me that it's important to feel the emotions and embrace them and then move on from them.

And she's right.  It's an emotionally devastating thing to "lose" a job.  And really, I didn't lose it, my responsibilities were divided up and spread around the remaining coworkers at the office.  I know exactly where my job is, it's with M, A & D.  And they cannot do even half of the things I was able to do, so I wish them the very best of luck trying to fill my shoes.

I am so upset that I feel as though I did something wrong.  I'm upset my boss told me that he didn't want me to feel like I was being thrown out the front door, because that wasn't what he was doing... but that's exactly what he did.  I'm irritated that four people were hired after me and yet I am the one without a job.

I am so frustrated.

Ignoring the Skeptics

I recently read a blog by Seth Godin called Proving the skeptics wrong and it really struck a chord with me.

Lately I have been feeling like no matter how hard I try, it isn't good enough for some of the people in my life... two in particular and one especially.  

I really let it get to me when I hear nasty things that have been fabricated about me.  I grew up in a family where we called each other out on our bullshit and sitting idly by while people blatantly make things up to manipulate other people.  Have some accountability people!

It makes me doubt my self worth and question who and what I am.  It causes me to question whether or not I am worthy of these people's approval or respect.  Ultimately, it makes me so disappointed in the actions of this person and I spend so much of my precious time dwelling on the whole mess far more than I should be and than is healthy for me.

I need to stop.  Like Seth says, "Instead of working so hard to prove the skeptics wrong, it makes a lot more sense to delight the true believers."  I need to surround myself with the people who fill my life with love and happiness.  I need to stop bending over backward for the people who couldn't care less and focus my energy on the people who appreciate the things I do.

Just Barely

Today was one of those days.

You know the kind.

My boss and I are at odds regarding the best use of some video footage we shot two weeks ago.  I just barely got a hold of myself and redirected our focus on the common goal we share before the debate devolved into some kind of fight.  Just barely.

I barely contained a bout of road rage while Sam was driving us to the gym.  I wasn't even driving.  I wanted to scream, but I held it in.  Just barely.

During spin class I almost cussed out the teacher and left early.  I just barely contained myself and redirected my frustration into the workout.  Just barely.  It's a good thing I stuck it out because I am now exhausted and completely devoid of frustration.

I also really liked the class- great music, good vibe coming from the instructor and overall a great workout.  Not too hard, but a steady, consistent hardcore workout the entire hour.  I went up to the instructor after the class to compliment her and see which other nights she teaches.  Unfortunately she said this is her only LA Fitness class, the rest of the week she teaches down at a studio in San Clemente.  She told me she does get to sub a lot and told me if I gave her my email she'd let me know when she's subbing.  I gave her my email and cell phone number so she can text me too.  She said she knows how it feels to be disappointed with group exercise instructors and that's what motivated her to become a spin teacher herself- I told her I'd had that thought myself.  Sam might get ahold of that idea and run with it.  Although I am not sure I have the time and energy to devote to teaching class- I almost feel like I need to focus all my attention on my own fitness and workouts so I can succeed in my weight loss goals.

And boy did I get a good work out tonight!  Holy Jesus I was having a tough time walking up the stairs tonight after class.  I literally turned to Sam and told him he was on Hunter's potty duty tonight because I don't think I can go up and down the stairs again.

Side Note: A sign of a great spin workout is definitely having trouble and feeling leg fatigue while going up stairs after a workout and the following day.

Now I'm trying to stay awake so I can fold yet another load of Sam's laundry and start on the guest room's sheets and towels.  I'm awake, but just barely.  I guess I'll have to hold off on the guest room for another night.  As for now, I think I'm going to roll out my legs on my foam roller and head to bed.

I think I can make it.

Just barely.

Obstacles

Grrrr.  I am annoyed.

 

I thought I'd check out the menu at Lucille's BBQ where I am meeting a girlfriend who I haven't seen in almost a year (I think) for Happy Hour tomorrow.  Ugh.  No nutritional information listed, and based on my internet digging, none of the options are going to be great.  I called the restaurant to inquire as to what the nutritional info on their BBQ Salad is, because it looks mighty delicious and doesn't come with tempting sides like the Half BBQ Chicken (which is looking like my best option so far).  The hostess offered to find out the info for me, but returned without an answer.  It seems they just don't have that information on file.  

REALLY?

How the heck am I supposed to keep making good choices when I get answers like that.  Now I'm debating if I try to be good with the BBQ Chicken Plate, test my luck with the BBQ Chicken, or get something completely boring and unoriginal like the Chicken Cesar Salad with dressing on the side (my go-to WW dinner out).  Honestly, my inclination is to suggest we meet somewhere else... but it's kind of embarassing to bring up. 

Why must losing weight be so difficult?!?