Loss

One of my mentors was terminated from her job a little over a year ago, and she's been a great resource to me during the last week.

She reminded me that it's important for me to get clear on my goals and what I want out of a job and career before I start applying to positions.  Oops.  I already sent my resume out a few times to various people who had me recommended to them via mutual colleagues.

Anyway, the other thing I was told, is that being let go from a job is a loss that has stages similar to grieving.  She told me that it's important to feel the emotions and embrace them and then move on from them.

And she's right.  It's an emotionally devastating thing to "lose" a job.  And really, I didn't lose it, my responsibilities were divided up and spread around the remaining coworkers at the office.  I know exactly where my job is, it's with M, A & D.  And they cannot do even half of the things I was able to do, so I wish them the very best of luck trying to fill my shoes.

I am so upset that I feel as though I did something wrong.  I'm upset my boss told me that he didn't want me to feel like I was being thrown out the front door, because that wasn't what he was doing... but that's exactly what he did.  I'm irritated that four people were hired after me and yet I am the one without a job.

I am so frustrated.

Letting Go

It's hard to let go of something you put so much of yourself into.  I had so many things I was working on, so many things that I wanted to accomplish in the next year.

I had so much dedication and loyalty to my company, my coworkers and my goals.  I was so determined to make it successful.

And it is incredibly disappointing to walk away from all of that.  It feels so much like failure.

My wonderful family and amazing future husband have been very positive and have done their very best to remind me that I'm a very talented young woman and I have been successful and will continue to be successful regardless of whether my former employer can see what he's missing.

My vendors have been incredibly supportive as well.  I waited until last night when they started calling me, and then this morning I reached out to the vendors who hadn't already been in touch.  Everyone was equally as shocked as me.  They gave me rave reviews on my LinkedIn page, which I am incredibly grateful for.  I a

I went into the office yesterday to turn in the rest of the hardware I'd had in my home office and it was so bittersweet.

On one hand, I know that the people I built relationships with at work were really sad to see me go.  They were very supportive and wished me the best.  It was very nice to hear that my vendors have been giving my coworkers and boss nothing but positive feedback about working with me and that I am a very talented and creative individual who they enjoyed and appreciated immensely.

That does make me feel very warm and fuzzy inside.

And my vendors have started canvassing their own networks to see if there is any freelance or consulting business for me in addition to in-house full-time positions.

I realize Thanksgiving isn't until next week, but this whole experience is reminding me how lucky I am to have the support system that I have.

"I'm going to have to let you go"

I went into my boss's office on Monday at 2:05 for our usual, bi-monthly marketing meeting.  I was running a few minutes late because I had received an email from Twitter that our password had been changed so I had to alert them that I hadn't done anything of the sort and change the password back.  When I arrived at my boss's office, our HR manager was there, but I didn't think too much of it.  When I sat down, I had a page of notes to remind me to follow up on our ongoing marketing initiatives and plan for the following two quarters.

As I sat down, my boss began talking.  He said, "I was crunching some numbers over the weekend and it turns out we're not losing money, we're bleeding money.  And I think I'm going to have to..." he paused, and took a moment to compose himself.

He's going to renege on the raise he gave you 6 days ago,  I told myself.

He started again, "I've decide I'm going to have to let you go."

I sat there in a stunned silence.  He started going on about the checks he had cut me, one for the past pay period, one paying me out through the end of the week (which would have been my PTO), and then the reimbursements for my cell phone and internet bills.  My mind was wandering so I was only half paying attention to what he said.

Let me go, but you just gave me a superlative annual review on the November 7, and you gave me a raise on November 11 with another raise promised on June 1, 2014.  You can't possibly be letting me go.

It dawned on me that when I received an email from Twitter saying that our password had been changed it was because the HR assistant was already going through and systematically locking me out of all of the social media and website administration.

What a shot to the gut.

Not only were they letting me go, they didn't trust my professionalism and integrity enough to believe that I wouldn't vindictively tamper with the department and marketing program I worked so hard to build in the last two years.

I was completely removed from the system by the time one of my favorite coworkers helped me carry my belongings to my car.  Standing there, putting his contact information into my phone, I received a message alerting me that my Microsoft Exchange credentials had been changed.

I called Sam, then my Dad and finally my sister while I was driving home and they all expressed the same shock I was feeling.  People don't get magnificent reviews followed by raises and then get laid off.  Certainly not within a two week period.  But I guess they do, because it happened to me.

The bigger shot through my heart came the following morning when I had to watch the emails popping up in my inbox letting me know that I was no longer an administrator for this social media platform or that social media platform.  Yeah, I get it.  I finally logged into the remaining platforms and removed myself.  Pulling the bandaid off quickly is truly less painful than just sitting there waiting for the emails.