A Trip to the Doctor

My new healthcare kicked in at the beginning of this month and I was running super low on all of my prescriptions so I made a few calls and somehow picked the practice my former doctor's receptionist went to when they parted ways a few years ago.  It was wonderful to reconnect with Stacy, and she actually booked me with a doctor she regards very highly.

I really, really enjoyed Dr. Stults (I even recommended her to my digital and social media marketing mentor).  She was incredibly detailed in the notes she took about my increased anxiety and was more than open to switching me to Lexapro, which tends to have better results with anxiety.  In fact, I have at least two friends who take it and have had great results.

Dr. Stults recommended that I start with a half a pill for the first five days or so while continuing my current anxiety medication (Wellbutrin), then going up to a full pill of both prescriptions for 5-7 days, and then a full Lexapro every day and alternating Wellbutrin before cutting the Wellbutrin altogether.

I'm a bit of an overachiever, so I went with a full pill from the very start... and wow was that interesting.  I immediately noticed that I was having trouble sleeping through the night... and still am.  Falling asleep is no problem, but I seem to be waking up around 1:00 a.m.  Luckily it's not a problem going back to sleep, and I've been able to sleep in just like before I was taking the medication, but it's very strange to continually wake up just after midnight.

I am incredibly thankful I haven't had any increased anxiety, which is one of the side effects most complained about online.  The second night I took it, I did wake up in a complete state of panic thinking that I hadn't sent an email to one of my clients.  Thankfully, I was able to talk myself down and be reasonable... what could I possibly do from my bedroom at 4:35 in the morning, after all?

I'm incredibly hopeful that this will help minimize the stress and pressure I have been feeling since taking my new job in December.  Best case scenario I would like to be able to have a better work life balance!

Well-Timed Feedback Blog

I really think Seth Godin's blog posts are eerily timed to events and situations in my own life.

Over the last week or so, I started feeling like I'm not cut out for agency life - the pace is incredibly fast, the deadlines can be very tight, and there isn't a whole lot of hand holding.  In fact, a lot of the feedback I have been getting is good, but there always seems to be room for improvement.

Well, a couple of days ago I woke up to find this post by Seth:

The feedback you've been waiting for

"You did a great job. This is exactly what I was hoping for. I wouldn't change a thing. You completely nailed it, it's fabulous."

Of course, that's not feedback, really. It's applause.

Applause is great. We all need more of it.

But if you want to improve, you should actively seek feedback. And that feedback, if it's more than just carping, will be constructive. It will clearly and generously lay out ways you can more effectively delight your customers and create a remarkable experience that leads to ever more customers.

If you're afraid of that feedback, it's probably not going to arrive as often as you'd like it to. On the other hand, if you embrace it as the gift it can be, you may decide to go looking for it.

Empty criticism and snark does no one any good. But genuine, useful, insightful feedback is a priceless gift.

Applause is good too.

 Yes, feedback is a good thing and I need to remember that!  If people are taking the time to critique you, they feel like it's worth their time to help you improve and that's great!

Wedding Planning Compromises

It's funny, and probably a good sign, that I don't mind compromising with Sam on wedding details.  I am really, really proud of him and how involved he has been in planning things like our invitations (which he seriously was SO meticulous about I was shocked!) and meeting different officiants.

He's also been really involved with my family of his own volition, which is really nice.  Not that Sam wasn't supportive of my family, but he's been really tight on free time and he doesn't get to spend enough time with his family so my family sometimes ends up taking a backseat unless they come down to visit us in Irvine - which they do A LOT and we really do appreciate that immensely!  

But lately, since even before we got engaged, Sam's been doing little things as well as big things.  He's making the effort to see my family and celebrate big milestones with us the way I have done with his family over the last several years.  He came with me for Papa's 80th birthday when we got the entire Santi family together and he opted to stay at my parents' house one night when we were in town last weekend.  

He has been so great helping me manage my stress, too.  I was getting a little overwhelmed trying to please everyone and mediate every decision we made, so Sam stepped up and agreed that he would be the spokesperson for his side of the family regarding wedding stuff while I was the spokesperson for my side of the family.  That's reduced my stress a lot and makes me even more sure about making this huge commitment to Sam next year.  He is a great partner, teammate and friend.  I am incredibly lucky to spend my life with him.

Slowly Taking Over

Wedding planning is all-consuming.  I mean that in a really good way, but it's true!

I have been trying to take care of something wedding-related every weekend that we're home, but that's not as easy as it sounds.

We took advantage of our road trip up to Santa Barbara to listen to lots of wedding music, but didn't really make much progress with a formal playlist.

We interviewed officiants, but we can't decide which one to go with.

We have narrowed down our decision to two DJ companies, but we're having trouble scheduling a time to meet up with the possible DJs.

I wouldn't be worried except that our preferred videographer is already booked for our date, as was our preferred photographer.  So clearly people are already on their game for August 2014.  And if Sam had a regular job, this would be less of a scheduling issue, but he's about to start his more challenging rotation November through January.  Which means he won't have as much time to dedicate to planning during the week, and that's when the DJs want to get together.

Wonderful.  I guess if need be I can do some of this myself... but I really want Sam to be involved in our tasting and he is going to have be the driving force when we pick our live musicians.

One thing I haven't been doing enough of is focusing on my fitness plan.  I am simultaneously hopeful that Sam's longer hours this winter will make it easier for me to focus on losing weight and toning up for the wedding, and nervous that I'll be taking on a lot more responsibility and thus will be more stressed and less able to focus on myself.  The accountability is totally with me - so here's to focusing more on my health and less on the rest of the drama.

Especially because I think I found "the dress" on Saturday while I was shopping with Mom and Carina!

Fitness Update

So here's a fitness update for those of you keeping track at home.  I am doing FitOrbit with my former trainer, Amanda, who is a total stud and one of my fitness heroes.

I started with her about 4 weeks ago and I have lost a whopping 3 pounds so far (which I promptly put right back on and am now struggling to lose again).  But hey, that's a start!  And actually I have been building mad muscle.  My calves are looking pretty stacked again and just yesterday Sam was complimenting my shoulders and told me how much more toned they look since I started swimming once a week.  Imagine how amused I was when I told him that it wasn't from swimming once a week, it's from all the days I left weights and do Amanda's crazy circuits.  Hey, if he thinks swimming does it maybe it's not my place to burst his bubble.

My biggest challenges are portion control, snacking, and stress.  I do not handle stress well- I am a terrible emotional eater!  And even when I'm not overworked, under-slept or emotional drained, I still have a hard time stopping myself when I reach my portion limit.

The stress is a double whammy.  I am emotional so I am very likely to overeat and make poor food choices.  And on the other side of the coin, I never feel like exercising when I am really, really stressed.  The thought of having another "To Do List" item that needs checked off can really send me over the edge.

Earlier this week I was strapped and spread too thin working on a hard deadline for a project at work that involved going live with 28 new website pages for one of our newest products.  Sure enough, I was eating like I had PMS for about a week and I was working long hours and not spending as much time being active.  Now though, that's behind me.  And I am recommitting myself to the cause!

Mental Health Days

Everyone needs a mental health day sometimes.  Today is mine.

I haven't had a day to myself since April 14.  Since then I've either been traveling and participating in wedding festivities, working, or entertaining out of town guests.  Please don't misunderstand me, those are all very exciting things that make me very happy, but they do wear me down too.

Sam went back to work today after his week of vacation so that left Hunter and I at the house.  How very relaxing!  The only bummer was that Hunter seemed to think it was time to get up when Sam left for work at 5:30 this morning.  C'est la vie.  It got me up, out of bed and started my productive day.

What have I done with my day?  I started off my cleaning out my briefcase and purse of all the miscellaneous stuff I'd been collecting during the last couple of weeks.  I was able to file my bills and paychecks away in our guest bedroom, clean out our stationary drawer and make room for the new thank you cards and greeting cards I ordered from Papyrus earlier this week, and stripped the guest bed and bathroom linens to be cleaned before my parents arrive next weekend.

Funny anecdote, twice I tried to start the washing machine with the guest bed sheets and twice I accidentally turned on the drier instead.  Boy, did I need a mental health day or what?!

I also have been catching up on my blogging (both reading and writing) and downloaded some new material on my nook.  Which I swear I am going to go and read once I'm finished with this post because I am racking up a ton of unread stuff on that little device and I'm itching to read it all.

I also met with a colleague of mine and spent a couple of hours with her hearing about her job hunt, catching up on what's going on in her love life and just enjoying not having a time-schedule that I had to follow.  When we were done I ran into Target to buy more dishwashing detergent (the kitchen is getting cleaned as soon as I get though the piles of dishes in our sink), razors (summer weather is here and I definitely can't wear shorts with the fuzzy legs I am sporting), and birthday and mother's day cards (which will all be slightly belated).  All in all, it was a good trip.  I just need to run to Petsmart and get Hunter some new chewy sticks to entertain him when we're having company over or take him somewhere for dinner.

It's odd because I would think all these errands would be stressing me out more, but having accomplished so many of my To Do items has really relaxed me and made me feel in control of my life again.  I even took some time to write cards to a few friends and family members because I believe snail mail brightens everyone's days.  It actually seems that many people like to accomplish things on their days off: How and When to Take a Mental Health Day gives you ideas of how to schedule time off as well as what you should do to help yourself recover from the stress in your life.

Balance

Mom and I had a rough conversation on Tuesday night.  Not a bad one, but one that was difficult and focused on my shortcomings.

Balance.  I am not very good at maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

I never have been.

In high school it was all about water polo.  I distinctly remember missing my English Exit Exam because I had a water polo tournament the same weekend and it was far more likely that I would get into college being scouted as opposed to on my academic merits.

Then in college I stepped back from water polo and focused on school so that I could achieve success in a career some day.  And I poured myself into my grades- getting on the Dean's List a couple of times.

The healthiest I have been in my life was in 2011 when I knew I was leaving my job and started focusing on myself instead of my career.  I worked out, I spent time with friends and I did my best not to stress out.

All of that changed when I got my current job.  Small company, lots of hats to wear, and never enough hours in the day to finish my to do list.  I do not do well with stress. Not that that's news to me.  I have always been a stress eater.  I definitely must have high levels of the hormones that cause stress-induced weight gain.  Boy am I a sucker for comfort food when I am wigged out.  And boy am I wigged out.

I feel undervalued and under-appreciated  at work.  I am frustrated that we have no metrics on which I can base marketing decisions and we have no infrastructure to track metrics.  I am trying to conquer the world and I am chained to a slab of stone that is weighing me down and making it tough to even tread water let alone swim to shore.

I am waiting for the next chapter of my life with Sam to begin- and apparently he is hellbent on taking his sweet ass time.  I feel like every time someone else gets engaged it's just another reminder that perhaps something is wrong with me and that's why it hasn't been my turn yet.  Paranoia much?

And to distract myself, I threw myself into work.  I should have thrown myself into working out, but I guess ya live and learn.  I just thought if I could get that one extra project done, or caught up on the day's emails that I would feel like I was making some headway.

So now I need to focus on making healthy choices- Hunter and I are going to start jogging and work our way up to 5K distances again.  I need to make better nutritional choices.  I need to let the stress and the anxiety about getting engaged and planning a wedding and trying to keep our home tidy.

So here we go.

TGIF!!!

I could not agree more with this meme.  OMG this has been a crappy week.  Full disclosure, it's *that* time of the month so I have been a bit of a hormonal mess.  Let's just say that I spent Tuesday afternoon bursting into tears several times in my office.  Yes, it was that bad.  Plus, Sam got sick and obviously we're all cranky when we don't feel good.  Last night, we had two comforters on our bed- one on my side and one on his.  Dear Lord, please let him be recover by the time I see him Monday!

Yes, I will be out of town this weekend at Miss Jackie's Bridal Shower.  I have tonight to pack, spend some quality time with Hunter Puppy, write in Jackie's card, fill out the recipe card (we're all donating new recipes to her and Joe's collection) and prep Hunter's dog-sitter with notes for her visits on Sunday.

Sam and I will split up our nights with him so that we don't have to have the dog-sitter stay overnight or leave Hunter at the vet.  I am on duty tonight and Sunday night, Sam will be home mid-afternoon on Saturday and rest at home that night before reporting for call again on Sunday morning. 

This weekend kicks off the 2013 Wedding Season Madness for me.  And believe me, this homebody is already feeling elevated blood pressure just looking at her calendar.  I underestimated how stressful it would be to concurrently plan a reunion and a bachelorette party long-distance.  Not that I would give either of them up, I am having fun and am really excited about all the festivities, but it's all the little details that creep up on me 

We're going to be up in Tahoe during shoulder season, so the restaurants are not as responsive as I would like them to be, i.e. (I waited 2 weeks to actually get firm plans set up with the limo company and the restaurant).  If you know me, you know that I like to try to be prompt and organized with lots of advance planning. 

Worse than flaky vendors, I have about three people I just want to punch in the face.  I realize that everyone is doing their best to be helpful; however, I wish that people would keep in mind that we're talking about big groups here and what is easiest may not be EXACTLY what you, the individual wants, but for the sake of the group (and my sanity) could you just go with the flow?  I am not going to friend 300 people on Facebook to make sure they get added to our reunion group- those folks who don't want to publicly associate their profiles with our high school can either a) get an emailed registration PDF from the folks they keep in touch with, or b) they can email me directly and I'm happy to hook them up.  And while I'm on the subject, if you join the group, please take the time to explore the information!  I can't tell you how irritating it is for me to explain the same 3 things over and over and over.  The location is listed, the registration fee is listed, and it clearly says MULTIPLE places that you cannot pay at the door.  Don't whine to me about that.  Just freakin' plan accordingly.

Can you tell my patience for morons is wearing thin ?  :-)  I should probably make this gem (at right) my anti-mantra for the next couple of months.  Actually, no joke, I should probably print it out (or order a few plaques somewhere online) and hang this up in my office at work and my office at home.  Sheesh.  I know I like things to be my way, but sometimes I honestly think my way is the best damn way to do it.

But seriously folks, I understand we all have our little preferences.  And I do want to accommodate them, if I didn't care I'd be WAY less stressed out!  Just keep in mind when you make some special request 2 weeks before the event that it may cause me to have a complete emotional breakdown, crying in my office at work. 

Wine

Last week felt like it would never end.  I had two work events, and the culmination of a couple of big projects I had been working on since the start of the year.  Needless to say, I was so thankful when the weekend arrived.

This week has been completely different.  It's like I have jetlag from all the energy I had to exert last week.  I have no motivation and all I want to do is lose myself in mindless forms of entertainment- TV, internet, reading other people's blogs, drinking wine every night with dinner (one glass), and playing Roller Coaster Tycoon (please don't judge me too harshly).  

I have not wanted to blog myself at all.  Why not?  Because I am trying to ESCAPE my life of course!

It's all I can do to handle myself and Hunter (let alone Sam, who thankfully has been on call a lot) let alone relive the stress and drama.  Part of my problem is that little Hunter hasn't been sleeping through the night very well over the last two weeks- probably my fault because our walks have not been as regular or long as they should have been.

I did find time to make the ortho department cupcakes on Sunday.  I drove up to the hospital and met with Sam for dinner, leaving the cupcakes with his very sweet nurses.  For our on-call date night, Sam took me to the fish place in the mall across from the hospital and it was fabulous.  It was also expensive, but seriously it was scrumptious.  I had butterflied panko crusted shrimp and cajun halibut.  Mmmmm.

I am also a little overwhelmed by the travel coming up- Jackie's got her bridal shower, her bachelorette and her wedding two weeks apart for the next six weeks.  OMG.  I am so excited but simultaneously so exhausted.  I may end up having to take a day off after the wedding is over to relax and recuperate.  Plus, Sam will be off the week after the wedding so it would be good for us to relax and spend some time without so much distraction.

In between the wedding and the bachelorette party (which I get to throw- OMG I am so excited!) we get to see Sam's family for his Great-Aunt's 80th Birthday Party.  We have lots of family coming into town, and Sam's folks generously offered to get us a hotel up in Palos Verdes to hang out with the family.  I wasn't in love with the idea of staying up there on the weekend before the wedding, but I was looking forward to getting to see Sue and Rich and all the cousins (who I hope are coming down.)

Anyway, Sam's parents are going to stay in Irvine now, which is super thoughtful of them and I'm even more excited about seeing them now that I don't have to stress about the dog and getting my shit together before the wedding.  I am so excited about wedding season though, Jackie kicks it off and then we have Monique's and Dan and Tina's.

I'm also really excited about our 10-year class reunion, which I am co-chairing, in June.  And Papa's big 80th birthday party in July.  So many wonderful things happening in the next couple of months!!!

Long Day

The work keeps piling up, and there's still only me to get everything done.  I feel like I need to hire an assistant either at work, or at home!

I had the best intentions of making Sam a nice, home-cooked dinner tonight.  Instead, I got stuck late at the office and left close to 5:30... I called to check on him and he was still making his way home.  Ooops.  Needless to say, I stopped and picked up the pre-roasted chicken at Ralph's along with a bagged salad, an avocado, and 3 tomatoes.  Let me tell you, it tasted damn good.

And then I put in close to 3 hours of work while Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix played in the background, Sam dozed on the couch, and Hunter brought me his ball for an intermittent game of fetch.

All in all, I clocked over 11 hours working today.  When I finished after 9PM, I put Sam to bed, cleaned the kitchen and walked Hunter.  Then I did some organizing of my desk and am heading to bed immanently.

Tomorrow, I am headed up to Sherman Oaks (LA) for an 11-2 meeting.  Thankfully, Pete and Margaux lent me Invictus on tape and I will probably knock out 3.5 of the 9.5 hours while commuting in traffic.  Ah, the life of a young professional.

PS- Too tired to even process this, but I officially got word that I have satisfied the requirements for the UCI Extensions Program Marketing Certificate.  Woohoo!  I set out to accomplish this and start a career in marketing back in January 2011 and 21 months later I have accomplished both things.  More about this later!

Light at the End

The light at the end of the tunnel is shining so brightly tonight- I finished the final exam in my marketing class.  The only thing that stands between me and completing the program is writing some conclusion paragraphs.  Piece. Of. Cake.  I am so anxious to make working out a priority in my life again, and for Hunter to get more undivided attention so we can focus on sharpening his good behaviors.  I'm excited to not have to sacrifice time that I would like to spend with friends on studying.  I can't believe that I'm going to be able to read the stack of books piling up next to my bed- seriously that is a really huge deal to me.

Sam's first vacation week starts Saturday, too.  So I am really excited that I will be working but not dealing with classes.  Justin is coming down to visit us for the first Labor Day in a while (two years, in reality) and he will be in town starting a week from today.  Sam's parents, Pete & Margaux will be arriving in Orange County on Friday.  Not a bad way to spend a 3-day weekend and Sam's first real time off during his 2nd year of residency.

Another light at the end of the tunnel comes from the upcoming trips home I am looking forward to.  On September 8th I fly to NorCal for a whirlwind (approx 24 hour) wedding weekend trip, on October 5th Sam and I fly back up to NorCal for a more respectable length weekend weekend, and he is convincing me to drive up to NorCal for a few days in December when he has a week of vacation.  That would be a good opportunity for us to bring Hunter along with us since he does so well on road trips.  (Side note: I am so incredibly thankful I don't have a dog that gets carsick!)

Quick Work Update: I signed off on our SEO contract at work today, so hopefully that will start generating us some serious revenue before Christmas.  My boss told me today that some attornies want to rent the spare office upstairs, which happens to be between me and my coworker, Mark. Apparently they would prefer the end office (which is the one I am in) and want me to move into the center office.  Quick count of times I have moved:

1. From downstairs to the big upstairs office (March)
2. From the big upstairs office to the small upstairs office (May)
3. From the small upstairs office to my new, bigger upstairs office (August)

I do not want to move again.  Ugh.  HR told me not to worry about it until these guys see the price tag and sign off- apparently we've had people interested in the space but not in paying what the big boss wants to charge.

I don't really have time to worry about moving again, because I am leading a 2 hour LinkedIn Workshop on August 30th and I started making the PowerPoint Presentation today.  Oh my God, the time just completely ran away from me!  I looked at the clock and it was 3, and then suddenly it was 5:30.  I had to get the heck out of there so I could get home to Hunter and my exam, but tomorrow I am going to get right back after it.  If I can have the slides done by this weekend I can start practicing the presentation aspect of it and checking my run-time. 

Hunter Hiking

More like Hunter whining the whole time and begging to be carried while Sam rued the day he let me get a puppy.

Sam and I have been suffering from a run of bad luck.  On Saturday afternoon the pilot light on our water heater went out.  I am a pretty savvy lady, but couldn't get it to light.  We called the maintenance guy, and had to get out of the house with the puppy (since our leasing company doesn't know we have a dog).

Sam wanted to take the Top of the World hike in Laguna Beach, which was beautiful, but we hadn't packed any water, went at noon, and we are in the middle of a serious heat-wave.  As a type this at nearly 11 PM I am sitting here baking alive.  Needless to say it was a little painful.

Hunter was acting strangely all afternoon, and after a cold shower- the pilot light was evidently NOT fixed, he had diarrhea all over the carpet.  Wonderful, puppy.  I felt badly for him, he was obviously unable to get comfortable, wasn't eating, and seemed pretty miserable.

He and I went and laid down in the bedroom while Sam supervised the replacement of a part on the water heater at 9 PM last night.  Woohoo!  Back to having hot water showers!

Then, this morning, Sam's car wouldn't start.  This has been an on-going issue in the evenings over the course of the last 8 days but now it is affecting my sleeping in!  Hunter and I went to drop off our surgeon at the hospital and then finished getting ready for the day.

This afternoon, Sam decided to get off early to try to take the car to be fixed at the dealership.  Lucky me, that meant that after running late to work, I had to leave at 4:30 to fight commute traffic and pick Sam up from the hospital.  We got the car to the dealership to find out they currently have no loaner vehicles.  What?!?  That sucks!  So now, I am getting up at 4:30 to take Sam to work and will be missing out on a KISS concert tomorrow night to pick him up.  Bummer.

To top it off, this evening I went to log in and take the quiz for my online class and it was closed.  So much for believing my classmate who told me that the deadlines didn't actually mean anything.  I put a call into my instructor and left her a voicemail explaining that I would like to take it online, or via email, if possible rather than take a zero score.  Even if I do take a zero I will end up with an 87% going into the final project.  Not a huge concern, but annoying all the same because I've only missed 20 points so far in the course.

C'est la vie.  I'm trying to roll with the punches and not get too bent out of shape!

Up All Night

Last night, Hunter woke up in the middle of the night (which he did Tuesday & Wednesday as well).  I had Sam take him to get a drink of water, but Hunter wouldn't relax and go back to bed.  Perhaps it was because he had too much energy- we didn't have time to give him his walk Thursday night, and I had slacked on Wednesday because we had our private puppy lesson.  In any case, I asked Sam to take him out to go potty, and 45 minutes into the not-going-back-to-sleep fun, Sam took him out. 

Hunter came back in and still wouldn't settle down.  So we left him to play on the floor at the foot of our bed.  Suddenly, he goes completely berzerk.  He starts barking like he has never barked before, comes tearing around the corner of the bed to me, and then frantically tries to claw his way out of my arms as I try to console him.  When we offered him his bone (he chews his Orka bone every night before bed) he backed away as if he'd never seen it before. 
We tried to get him to lay down, but he kept going to the end of the bed and barking.  After 30 minutes of him being a complete mess, I took him out to the couch and we got 2 hours of sleep before finally getting back into bed.

Needless to say, I am pooped today and headed home early from the office.  Time for a nap!  And please keep your fingers crossed that this was a one-time thing!