Our Officiant is Official!

One of the biggest things stressing me out about wedding planning was that we hadn't found an officiant.

Thankfully that ended on Tuesday night at Starbucks in San Juan Capistrano!

Sam had found a couple of additional officiants for us to interview on The Knot and Tom was quick to respond and easy to set up an appointment with.

We were really impressed with how professional Tom looked and how he carried himself.  He was pretty much exactly what we were looking for!

Tom's an elementary school principal, but he has been doing weddings on the side for 6 years starting when his cousin asked him to perform their ceremony on a family vacation in Mexico.  Tom pursued a career in marriage and family therapy before he went into education, which was an unexpected bonus because he definitely gave us a little mini counseling session and didn't seem preachy or judgmental.

He also shared a lot about his own family and assured us that it's totally normal for couples to struggle setting boundaries with parents and in-laws as they enter into marriage.  He told us that from his own personal experience he cannot impress upon us enough the importance of setting boundaries with our parents and families from the very beginning of our married life.

He reinforced the crappy truth that people's feelings are going to get hurt by us setting boundaries whether we do it now or we do it when we have our own kids.  He said there was so much unnecessary drama with his parents based on his own inability to set boundaries with them and it really hurt his wife and his relationship with his parents.

That totally hit home for Sam and I, because we have two AMAZING families that would love to spend every second with us.  Unfortunately, we haven't been able to master the fine art of being in two places at once, so we're trying to split our holidays and time between our families.

If it were just a matter of our parents and siblings, that would be less difficult, but we have three extended families to fit in as well.  Sam's mom's side of the family spends almost every holiday all together, which is a bit daunting for me because I worry about the expectations they will have for Sam and I.  My parents split holidays between my mom's family (grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) and my dad's family (grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins).  We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with one side, Christmas Day and Easter with the other, and split up Mother's Day and Father's Day.

I think my family is prepared to have Sam and I MIA at family functions and holiday events now that they have to share me (more formally) with the Galles.  It's tough for me though, because I realize that I'm going to miss out on a lot.  We'll only be spending 50% of the holidays with my side of our family.  Of that 50%, probably 33% will be with the Santis, 33% with the Hunters and 33% with just my immediate family.

I am really, really excited about getting married, and I'm sure Sam and I are lucky to have been working on this whole family integration thing over the last 10+ years.  I just wish it was easier.

Dr. and Mrs. Wolson

Our last wedding of the 2013 wedding season was this past weekend.  To sum it up, Elton John may have said it best: "Can you feel the love tonight?  It is where we are."  This weekend was so full of love that it was palpable.  

The weekend started off with a little time at the pool with Sam's family.  It was nice because I had the opportunity to tell Lisa and George how much it means to me and how honored I am to wear their mother's diamond in my engagement ring.  

Sam and I were also able to show his parents some of the wedding planning we've been doing over the last several months.  It was neat too because our tastes are similar to Pete and Margaux's and we were able to see some of the same themes from our plans at their wedding on Sunday.  Rich and Sue helped us pick out our Save the Dates too!  I made a bunch of mockups for Sam to check out last week and he picked the two he liked the best for them to decide between.  

We met up with all of the out of town guests and local friends who were staying at the hotel for drinks at the hotel bar on Saturday night.  While everyone was mingling it gave me a chance to talk to Leo about it and thank him for picking out such a beautiful diamond.  I told him that I love him and I will always think of him when I look down, and he told me that he loves me too.  It was a really bittersweet moment because it's so evident how much he's aged in the 10 years Sam and I have been together, and he's really starting to show his mortality.  I guess that it reminds me a lot of Papa Hunter and Papa Santi too, which can be a little hard to think about.

The Celniker/Marcus family kept the party going with dinner at Red O.  Here's my Instagram pic from dinner, we were sitting on the patio watching the sunset and enjoying some yummy food and delicious beverages but most importantly fabulous company.  It was nice finally meeting Pete's relatives (who are also related to Sue, Lisa and George) from the East Coast.  We also had a great time catching up with Sam's cousins.  We don't get to see Dan, Sean and Mikaela often enough and rarely all together.  I get to chat with Mikaela on the phone every so often, and I keep up with Dan a little bit online when he posts interesting articles, but I really only get to catch up with Sean when we're in person and we don't get to see him very often.  

On Sunday, I spent a few hours with Miss Margaux in her suite with the ladies from her bachelorette party and we had a great time watching her get her hair and makeup done.  It was really, really fun to see all the girls again and the vibe in the room was awesome.  Margaux seemed totally calm and relaxed, all the girls were so happy to be there with her and it was just the nicest afternoon.  

Plus, the Niners won!

At about 3pm I headed down to Sue's hotel room where she and Mikaela were getting ready with Lisa. Mikaela did a great job on Sue's hair and makeup and it complimented her dress fabulously.  Lisa wore a gorgeous dress (perhaps from Sean's wedding) and looked really beautiful as well.  The boys all looked very dapper in their tuxes, and for the first time, I really felt like I was part of the family when we grabbed a drink in the hotel bar before we headed down to the wedding. 

The best part was that Sam made it to the wedding!!!  He was waiting for us when we arrived at Cafe la Boheme and looked so handsome in his black tux with his red tie and red pocket square.  We were all looking so good the photographers took a bunch of photos of the whole family while we were standing in the courtyard.  In fact, we were the subject of a BUNCH of photos in the courtyard.  :-)  Then it was time to head on in and take our seats.  It was really interesting, we all were seated at our tables and then Margaux came in from outside, walked across the dance floor and up to the beautiful giant fireplace to meet Pete.  They were married right there, with all of us sitting at our tables, and it totally worked.  Margaux had been saying she wanted a non-wedding feel and without an aisle and the rows of seats it definitely seemed a little more intimate and personal and fitting for their personalities.  The vows were just amazing!  They memorized their own vows and they weren't short little things!  They were just so heartfelt! 

After dinner, Sam and I did a little bit of dancing, but the DJ portion of the night seemed SO short!  It was fun though, and Sam and I got to dance a bit.  It's funny to think the next time we're all together at a wedding it will (probably) be ours unless one of the other cousins has a REALLY short engagement.  

Sam and I had to drive in tandem home after the wedding was over since he had to come up after being on call.  Because it was late and  we talked on the phone the whole way back and then fell into bed and passed out!

All in all, this was a WONDERFUL wedding weekend and I am so happy for Dr. and Mrs. Wolson!

A Second Full-Time Job

Woah, wedding planning is slowly taking over my life.  Not that I'm complaining, and I'm not overwhelmed (yet), but it's definitely taking up the majority of my free-time.

Even little things, like getting the room block together for the resort we're getting married at, have become bigger projects than I anticipated.  Thankfully, Sam's been wonderful so far and only chimes in when I have some options for him to choose from or when he feels really strongly about something - which is rarely the case.

The one recurring point of contention is the officiant for our ceremony.  The rabbi that married Sam's parents is still alive, and Sue has been pressuring me to have him marry us for what seems like the last six years.  To my credit, I have firmly stood my ground that I feel uncomfortable having the rabbi who married her perform our ceremony because the priest who married my parents is also also still alive.  Beyond the officiant, I don't think it would be fair to either side of the family to choose to be married in a religious ceremony when there are such varying degrees of religious commitment in our families.  Sam's dad is agnostic, his mom was raised by a Jewish father and Irish Catholic mother, my father grew up Catholic, my mother converted to Catholicism to get married in the Catholic church and both my parents attended Catholic high schools and a Catholic college.  Because of this, choosing an officiant is was one of the main things I have been dreading about wedding planning since long before we were engaged.

I have done more than my part to learn and celebrate the Jewish holidays and customs, but, despite pressure from Sam's mom,  I have been adamantly opposed to converting to Judaism.  I would never dream of asking Sam to give up his family customs in favor of mine, and I think it's insensitive that I would be put in the position where I would feel pressured to do so.  

Luckily, Sam is not pressuring me about having a Jewish wedding or asking the rabbi to perform our wedding (yet).  The rabbi will be performing the ceremony at the wedding we attend on Sunday, so it will give Sam and I an opportunity to see him in action.  Sam has promised his mom that we'll meet the rabbi before we make any decisions, but he has been very careful not to commit us to anything or make any comments for or against the rabbi.

To help us make our decision, we have appointments later this month with two well respected officiants who are local to the area and very comfortable performing interfaith marriages.  It's my hope that we will click with one of them and this will save me from having to compromise on something as big as who will preside over Sam and I committing ourselves to one another for the rest of our lives.  Obviously there will be compromises I have to make over the next couple of months, but this isn't one that I'm comfortable with and I don't feel like this is something I can brush off without having serious regret later.