Even little things, like getting the room block together for the resort we're getting married at, have become bigger projects than I anticipated. Thankfully, Sam's been wonderful so far and only chimes in when I have some options for him to choose from or when he feels really strongly about something - which is rarely the case.
The one recurring point of contention is the officiant for our ceremony. The rabbi that married Sam's parents is still alive, and Sue has been pressuring me to have him marry us for what seems like the last six years. To my credit, I have firmly stood my ground that I feel uncomfortable having the rabbi who married her perform our ceremony because the priest who married my parents is also also still alive. Beyond the officiant, I don't think it would be fair to either side of the family to choose to be married in a religious ceremony when there are such varying degrees of religious commitment in our families. Sam's dad is agnostic, his mom was raised by a Jewish father and Irish Catholic mother, my father grew up Catholic, my mother converted to Catholicism to get married in the Catholic church and both my parents attended Catholic high schools and a Catholic college. Because of this, choosing an officiant is was one of the main things I have been dreading about wedding planning since long before we were engaged.
I have done more than my part to learn and celebrate the Jewish holidays and customs, but, despite pressure from Sam's mom, I have been adamantly opposed to converting to Judaism. I would never dream of asking Sam to give up his family customs in favor of mine, and I think it's insensitive that I would be put in the position where I would feel pressured to do so.
Luckily, Sam is not pressuring me about having a Jewish wedding or asking the rabbi to perform our wedding (yet). The rabbi will be performing the ceremony at the wedding we attend on Sunday, so it will give Sam and I an opportunity to see him in action. Sam has promised his mom that we'll meet the rabbi before we make any decisions, but he has been very careful not to commit us to anything or make any comments for or against the rabbi.
To help us make our decision, we have appointments later this month with two well respected officiants who are local to the area and very comfortable performing interfaith marriages. It's my hope that we will click with one of them and this will save me from having to compromise on something as big as who will preside over Sam and I committing ourselves to one another for the rest of our lives. Obviously there will be compromises I have to make over the next couple of months, but this isn't one that I'm comfortable with and I don't feel like this is something I can brush off without having serious regret later.
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