The care and feeding (and shunning) of vampires

**Note** this blog was originally posted on Seth Godin's blog, but I think it is SO spot on that I wanted to include it in here.  Please visit Seth's blog for more amazing insight into marketing and life in general. 

The care and feeding (and shunning) of vampires 

Vampires, of course, feed on something that we desperately need but also can't imagine being a source of food. 

You have metaphorical vampires in your life. These are people that feed on negativity, on shooting down ideas and most of all, on extinguishing your desire to make things better.
Why would someone do that? Why would they rush to respond to a heartfelt and generous blog post with a snide comment about a typo in the third line? Why would they go out of their way to fold their arms, make a grimace and destroy any hope you had for changing the status quo? 

Vampires cannot be cured. They cannot be taught, they cannot learn the error of their ways. Most of all, vampires will never understand how much damage they're doing to you and your work. Pity the vampires, they are doomed to this life. 

Your garlic is simple: shun them. Delete their email, turn off comments, don't read your one-star reviews. Don't attend meetings where they show up. Don't buy into the false expectation that in an organizational democracy, every voice matters. Every voice doesn't matter--only the voices that move your idea forward, that make it better, that make you better, that make it more likely you will ship work that benefits your tribe. 

It's so tempting to evangelize to the vampires, to prove them wrong, to help them see how destructive they are. This is food for them, merely encouragement. 

Shun the ones who feed on your failures.

Loss

One of my mentors was terminated from her job a little over a year ago, and she's been a great resource to me during the last week.

She reminded me that it's important for me to get clear on my goals and what I want out of a job and career before I start applying to positions.  Oops.  I already sent my resume out a few times to various people who had me recommended to them via mutual colleagues.

Anyway, the other thing I was told, is that being let go from a job is a loss that has stages similar to grieving.  She told me that it's important to feel the emotions and embrace them and then move on from them.

And she's right.  It's an emotionally devastating thing to "lose" a job.  And really, I didn't lose it, my responsibilities were divided up and spread around the remaining coworkers at the office.  I know exactly where my job is, it's with M, A & D.  And they cannot do even half of the things I was able to do, so I wish them the very best of luck trying to fill my shoes.

I am so upset that I feel as though I did something wrong.  I'm upset my boss told me that he didn't want me to feel like I was being thrown out the front door, because that wasn't what he was doing... but that's exactly what he did.  I'm irritated that four people were hired after me and yet I am the one without a job.

I am so frustrated.

Letting Go

It's hard to let go of something you put so much of yourself into.  I had so many things I was working on, so many things that I wanted to accomplish in the next year.

I had so much dedication and loyalty to my company, my coworkers and my goals.  I was so determined to make it successful.

And it is incredibly disappointing to walk away from all of that.  It feels so much like failure.

My wonderful family and amazing future husband have been very positive and have done their very best to remind me that I'm a very talented young woman and I have been successful and will continue to be successful regardless of whether my former employer can see what he's missing.

My vendors have been incredibly supportive as well.  I waited until last night when they started calling me, and then this morning I reached out to the vendors who hadn't already been in touch.  Everyone was equally as shocked as me.  They gave me rave reviews on my LinkedIn page, which I am incredibly grateful for.  I a

I went into the office yesterday to turn in the rest of the hardware I'd had in my home office and it was so bittersweet.

On one hand, I know that the people I built relationships with at work were really sad to see me go.  They were very supportive and wished me the best.  It was very nice to hear that my vendors have been giving my coworkers and boss nothing but positive feedback about working with me and that I am a very talented and creative individual who they enjoyed and appreciated immensely.

That does make me feel very warm and fuzzy inside.

And my vendors have started canvassing their own networks to see if there is any freelance or consulting business for me in addition to in-house full-time positions.

I realize Thanksgiving isn't until next week, but this whole experience is reminding me how lucky I am to have the support system that I have.

"I'm going to have to let you go"

I went into my boss's office on Monday at 2:05 for our usual, bi-monthly marketing meeting.  I was running a few minutes late because I had received an email from Twitter that our password had been changed so I had to alert them that I hadn't done anything of the sort and change the password back.  When I arrived at my boss's office, our HR manager was there, but I didn't think too much of it.  When I sat down, I had a page of notes to remind me to follow up on our ongoing marketing initiatives and plan for the following two quarters.

As I sat down, my boss began talking.  He said, "I was crunching some numbers over the weekend and it turns out we're not losing money, we're bleeding money.  And I think I'm going to have to..." he paused, and took a moment to compose himself.

He's going to renege on the raise he gave you 6 days ago,  I told myself.

He started again, "I've decide I'm going to have to let you go."

I sat there in a stunned silence.  He started going on about the checks he had cut me, one for the past pay period, one paying me out through the end of the week (which would have been my PTO), and then the reimbursements for my cell phone and internet bills.  My mind was wandering so I was only half paying attention to what he said.

Let me go, but you just gave me a superlative annual review on the November 7, and you gave me a raise on November 11 with another raise promised on June 1, 2014.  You can't possibly be letting me go.

It dawned on me that when I received an email from Twitter saying that our password had been changed it was because the HR assistant was already going through and systematically locking me out of all of the social media and website administration.

What a shot to the gut.

Not only were they letting me go, they didn't trust my professionalism and integrity enough to believe that I wouldn't vindictively tamper with the department and marketing program I worked so hard to build in the last two years.

I was completely removed from the system by the time one of my favorite coworkers helped me carry my belongings to my car.  Standing there, putting his contact information into my phone, I received a message alerting me that my Microsoft Exchange credentials had been changed.

I called Sam, then my Dad and finally my sister while I was driving home and they all expressed the same shock I was feeling.  People don't get magnificent reviews followed by raises and then get laid off.  Certainly not within a two week period.  But I guess they do, because it happened to me.

The bigger shot through my heart came the following morning when I had to watch the emails popping up in my inbox letting me know that I was no longer an administrator for this social media platform or that social media platform.  Yeah, I get it.  I finally logged into the remaining platforms and removed myself.  Pulling the bandaid off quickly is truly less painful than just sitting there waiting for the emails.

Base & Top Coat

So a few weeks ago I posted that I had ordered a bunch of OPI nail polish on Amazon.  So far, everything looks fantastic... although I think that Emerald City Lights is going to have to go on top of a darker base color.

The part of the order that was not so great, was the base coat and top coat, which I ordered in regular nail polish and received in gels.

I decided I didn't want to hassle with the Amazon marketplace returns policy and instead I headed down to 17th Street Beauty Supply in Costa Mesa and inquired about their OPI line.  Unfortunately, they were all out of the OPI base and top coats, but the girl working told me that she suggested I try Orly's Bonder base coat and Seche Vite quick-drying top coat.  She told me they are the two top sellers at the store, and that she thinks they're way better than OPI's stuff.

I figured I had nothing to lose, and since I'm not much of a base and top coat girl anything was probably going to be better than my usual habit of just painting my nails.

OMG ladies, the girl at the store was NOT kidding!!!

Bonder gives your nails this weird rubbery texture that totally bonds the nail polish to your nails and gives you an extra sticky base that lasts forever.

Seche Vite is a gift from God too - it literally dries my nails in about five minutes.  Granted I am still really careful not to bump or ding them, but I am basically able to function one commercial break after painting my nails instead of a full hour long program later.

No joke, the first time I used these two products, my nail polish stayed on for two weeks... through dishwasher, hair washing, showers, etc.  I may never go back to painting my nails without this stuff!

Succulents: 6 Weeks Later

So, it's been six weeks since we planted our succulents on the patio and I want to share with you how they're doing!!!

I didn't really start doing the top down photos until about a week after they were all first planted, so unfortunately you can't really see the before and after as well with this pot.  You can tell the succulents have really started to fill in the empty spaces!

This was the only pre planted pot we purchased, and it's been doing really well!  I had to turn it a little bit and get it closer to the sunny spots on the patio, but it seems to be doing really nicely.  The one side that was away from the sun originally started to seem like it was dying a bit so I weeded out the dead leaves and left the stalks to hopefully rebound.

This pot is so cute - I love the flat leaves that are a little green/blue/violet.  They are so cool!!!  Again, I accidentally took the first photos from the side, but this is the pot that has had the least growth of all of them.  Hopefully that's because these are more spring/summer growing succulents and we'll see more activity once winter is over.

The coup de gras - my standing pot.  This pot has OBVIOUSLY had some explosive growth in the last six weeks.  The agave has all but taken over the empty spots and the little flat leafed plant has grown at least three inches taller in the last six weeks.  I see this pot the most because it is so visible through our sliding glass door, and it's the pot I am the most proud of for sure.

More updates to come in another six weeks!!!

Roasted Tomato Basil Soup

This morning, Sam woke me up before he left to tell me a few things:

1. He was proud of me for getting the raise I deserve at work (I had my annual review last week and asked my boss to reconsider my merit increase and gave him four reasons I deserve the more money, and named my price.  To my surprise, he met my request yesterday!!!)
2. He wanted me to make the roasted tomato basil soup recipe he found in the crock pot cookbook
3. Our water heater wasn't working properly and he'd taken a lukewarm (at best) shower

Needless to say, it was a lot to take in at 6:00 this morning.  Hunter and I decided it was best NOT to lounge in bed, and we got up to tackle our honey-do list.  

First, I reviewed the recipe (which I included at the bottom of this post) and saw that I needed to roast the canned stewed tomatoes with brown sugar and diced onion in the oven for 30 minutes to create the base of the soup.  I was pretty confident I couldn't chop the onions small enough to make them smooth in the soup without a little help from my favorite emulsifier, so I pulled out the archaic cuisinart we got from Sam's grandpa several years ago when we helped him move out of his house.  The thing worked like a dream!  It took care of the chopping while I was spreading the tomatoes out on a baking sheet and sprinkling them with the brown sugar.  

Then, while the tomatoes, sugar and onions were in the oven, I took Hunter on his morning potty walk and tackled the pilot light on the water heater.

After everything had roasted, I popped it all back into the food processor so I could get the mixture as smooth as possible before tossing it into the crock pot with chicken broth, tomato paste, some spices and the left over juice from the canned tomatoes.  Needless to say, I did a lot better with the food processor than if it had been up to me to chop everything by hand.

Into the crockpot it all went, and then I started working on the dishes.  Unfortunately, the water coming out of the sink was still all cold, so I had to call our property manager and have her sent up a handy man to get the water heater functioning again.  Hey, at least everything was fixed before 9:30!

The final product was pretty delicious, if I do say so myself!  Sam has made a few comments to me that on the days I am working from home he would like me to get a home cooked meal put together so that it's ready when he gets home from work.  I suppose he's got a point that it would be nice if I did a little more cooking.  Even if some days it's a crockpot meal that I prep in the morning and then let simmer all day, rather than a complicated recipe I tackle at 5:00 when i get off work, it's nice to have home cooking and it's something we want to make a priority when we have our own family.

Wedding Planning Compromises

It's funny, and probably a good sign, that I don't mind compromising with Sam on wedding details.  I am really, really proud of him and how involved he has been in planning things like our invitations (which he seriously was SO meticulous about I was shocked!) and meeting different officiants.

He's also been really involved with my family of his own volition, which is really nice.  Not that Sam wasn't supportive of my family, but he's been really tight on free time and he doesn't get to spend enough time with his family so my family sometimes ends up taking a backseat unless they come down to visit us in Irvine - which they do A LOT and we really do appreciate that immensely!  

But lately, since even before we got engaged, Sam's been doing little things as well as big things.  He's making the effort to see my family and celebrate big milestones with us the way I have done with his family over the last several years.  He came with me for Papa's 80th birthday when we got the entire Santi family together and he opted to stay at my parents' house one night when we were in town last weekend.  

He has been so great helping me manage my stress, too.  I was getting a little overwhelmed trying to please everyone and mediate every decision we made, so Sam stepped up and agreed that he would be the spokesperson for his side of the family regarding wedding stuff while I was the spokesperson for my side of the family.  That's reduced my stress a lot and makes me even more sure about making this huge commitment to Sam next year.  He is a great partner, teammate and friend.  I am incredibly lucky to spend my life with him.

Christmas Eve Conundrum

Sam mentioned that he wanted to spend Christmas Eve with my parents since we'll be in Northern California over the holidays this year.

Obviously, I was thrilled by the thought of spending time with my family at the holidays.

Then Sam started getting concerned about the repercussions of spending the holidays with my family when it's our year to spend Christmas with Sam's side of the family.  And we'll have just spent Thanksgiving with my family in Irvine.

So far, my parents haven't said a word about me missing Christmas Day to be with the Galle family.  They have been really supportive of us making our plans and even told my mom's side of the family that unfortunately I won't be able to get together on Christmas Day despite that being the only definite day my cousin has off work.  My mom said she does hope to spend one day celebrating with us, but it doesn't matter to her which day that is.

Objectively, I don't think it's too terrible of us to split our time a little bit between the families since our parents still live just about 10 minutes apart.  I know if we were spending Christmas with my family in Moraga, I would want to make sure we saw Sam's family on Christmas Eve and I'm sure my parents would understand.

I guess we'll have to ride this out a little bit and see what happens over the next couple of weeks.

Wedding Planning Update

So, wedding planning has kind of taken over our lives lately.  I suppose that's to be expected, but it still amazes me all the details that have to be taken care of.

Sam keeps telling me that I'm planning so far in advance, but the reality is I am focused on getting the big contracts out of the way so that we can focus on the little details like our DJ's playlist, the lighting we want during the reception, ceremony specifics like readings and vows.

Things we've already booked:

1. Florist
2. Photographer
3. Videographer
4. Venue
5. DJ/Emcee/Lighting
6. Officiant
7. Hotels for Guests

Things we still have to decide or finalize:

1. Cake (tastings and final selection)
2. Live music (ceremony and cocktails)
3. Menu (tastings and final selection)
4. Bridal party attire
5. Wedding Dress (purchase)
6. Invitations (order)
7. Rehearsal 

We already picked out the invitations, we just need to go in and officially order them once we have our menu items selected.  We need to set up a time to do our menu tastings, but that's all part of the venue so I'm not super stressed about that.  I think I picked out my wedding dress, and I'm planning on ordering it in December when I'm in NorCal, but I have an appointment down here to try on dresses with Jackie in two weeks.  We're also hopefully going to pick out the bridesmaids dresses during her visit.  

The cake is the last of the big stuff that needs to be taken care of.  So we need to make some appointments to do some tastings at different bakeries.  If we don't find live music, our DJ can handle the ceremony and venue does live music on their patio which is just below our cocktail balcony.  So that's not really crucial to the wedding happening.

I am just so excited to start our marriage and become Sam's wife!

Our Officiant is Official!

One of the biggest things stressing me out about wedding planning was that we hadn't found an officiant.

Thankfully that ended on Tuesday night at Starbucks in San Juan Capistrano!

Sam had found a couple of additional officiants for us to interview on The Knot and Tom was quick to respond and easy to set up an appointment with.

We were really impressed with how professional Tom looked and how he carried himself.  He was pretty much exactly what we were looking for!

Tom's an elementary school principal, but he has been doing weddings on the side for 6 years starting when his cousin asked him to perform their ceremony on a family vacation in Mexico.  Tom pursued a career in marriage and family therapy before he went into education, which was an unexpected bonus because he definitely gave us a little mini counseling session and didn't seem preachy or judgmental.

He also shared a lot about his own family and assured us that it's totally normal for couples to struggle setting boundaries with parents and in-laws as they enter into marriage.  He told us that from his own personal experience he cannot impress upon us enough the importance of setting boundaries with our parents and families from the very beginning of our married life.

He reinforced the crappy truth that people's feelings are going to get hurt by us setting boundaries whether we do it now or we do it when we have our own kids.  He said there was so much unnecessary drama with his parents based on his own inability to set boundaries with them and it really hurt his wife and his relationship with his parents.

That totally hit home for Sam and I, because we have two AMAZING families that would love to spend every second with us.  Unfortunately, we haven't been able to master the fine art of being in two places at once, so we're trying to split our holidays and time between our families.

If it were just a matter of our parents and siblings, that would be less difficult, but we have three extended families to fit in as well.  Sam's mom's side of the family spends almost every holiday all together, which is a bit daunting for me because I worry about the expectations they will have for Sam and I.  My parents split holidays between my mom's family (grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) and my dad's family (grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins).  We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with one side, Christmas Day and Easter with the other, and split up Mother's Day and Father's Day.

I think my family is prepared to have Sam and I MIA at family functions and holiday events now that they have to share me (more formally) with the Galles.  It's tough for me though, because I realize that I'm going to miss out on a lot.  We'll only be spending 50% of the holidays with my side of our family.  Of that 50%, probably 33% will be with the Santis, 33% with the Hunters and 33% with just my immediate family.

I am really, really excited about getting married, and I'm sure Sam and I are lucky to have been working on this whole family integration thing over the last 10+ years.  I just wish it was easier.

Nail Polish Shopping Spree

I may or may not have gone on a nail polish shopping spree today...

Hint, I did.

I even forgot to buy the color I was originally looking for, which meant that I had to make TWO transactions on Amazon!  So let's take a stroll down the shopping list:

OPI Tiffany Case

True story, this might be a LITTLE too much for me, but ya only live once, right?  I figured if nothing else, I can maybe stand to wear this for a couple of parties.

OPI Ski Slope Sweetie

I was originally looking for some nice, mellow colors that I could wear on a day-to-day basis now that I have a beautiful engagement ring that is drawing a LOT of attention to my hands.  This one is really cute, and I am hoping it comes off kind of sparkly and silvery.  But let's be honest, this photo is nothing to write home about!

OPI All Sparkly and Gold

This gold one is going to be perfect for the 49er game in December!  I am so excited to try it out, even though I already have a perfectly nice gold nail polish.  What can I say, I am a bit of a gold nail polish slob.  Well that, and I really got excited about this color on the OPI website even though I'm less than impressed with how it looks in the bottle online.

OPI Mermaid's Tears

 I think this is where I got a little too carried away.  I couldn't leave this behind.  It is so absolutely beautiful and while I'm not entirely sure when I can wear it, but I will rock it sometime.

OPI Dulce de Leche

Here's the little troublemaker!  I went online looking for this little color right here, which I have on my nails as I type this.  It is such a nice, creamy pink-nude color.  It absolutely compliments my skin tone and accents my beautiful engagement ring.  It's right for the bride-to-be to feel pampered! :-)

Top Coat & Base Coat

And then I caved and bought the top coat and the base coat because I figured if I am going to make more of a point to be manicured at all times, I might as well do everything I can to keep the paint on as long as possible.  And I guess if I'm going to put so much effort in I should do it the right way.

Kids

Lately it seems that a lot of girls I knew from high school are getting pregnant and having their first (or third) babies.

Is it making my biological clock itch?  Not so much itch, no.  But it does kind of make me pause and realize that Sam and I will (probably) be parents sooner rather than later.  And this whole wedding planning thing is definitely making us think and plan for the future.

On Friday, Hunter was being particularly needy and Sam made the observation that it's going to be really tough for Hunter when he has to share my attention with a baby.  I think life for Hunter is going to get tough long before a baby arrives, he loves to sit on my lap and sprawl across my belly when we go to bed at night so his adjustments will start when my tummy gets bigger.

I suppose there is a bit of a morbid fascination with these ladies who are pregnant because I am so curious about what they are going through, what lies in our future.

And I am acutely aware that life as we know it will completely change with kids.  Completely.

Until we do have our own kids, Hunter is a pretty good practice baby and Sam does such a wonderful job with him that I'm sure our human kids will be in great hands.

Waiting for me to bring out our bagel breakfasts

HBO Documentary Series

This weekend I got really interested in HBO's Documentary Series thanks to Kirellos's visit, during which he showed Sam and I that Apple TV has an HBO Go app.  With the new power of streaming HBO Go seamlessly, I found the amazing documentaries that HBO produces - Mondays in Racine, Open Heart, Lock Up: Prisoners of Rikers Island, First Comes Love, and Last Letters Home.

They have all been really touching in different ways.

And it makes me think that there are so many amazing things going on out there in the world that (thankfully) I don't have to manage on a daily basis.

Coupled with these documentaries, Kirellos, Sam and I went out on the Newport Beach Peninsula last night to a new (to us) bar with Kirellos' sister and one of her friends.  The bar was overly full of dudes, super slutty girls and really hammered people.  As we were climbing into bed at 3:00 this morning, I rolled over and snuggled up next to Sam to say 'thank you' for sparing me years of running around trying to find Mr. Right.  And he agreed that we are both lucky to have found each other so early on.

Slowly Taking Over

Wedding planning is all-consuming.  I mean that in a really good way, but it's true!

I have been trying to take care of something wedding-related every weekend that we're home, but that's not as easy as it sounds.

We took advantage of our road trip up to Santa Barbara to listen to lots of wedding music, but didn't really make much progress with a formal playlist.

We interviewed officiants, but we can't decide which one to go with.

We have narrowed down our decision to two DJ companies, but we're having trouble scheduling a time to meet up with the possible DJs.

I wouldn't be worried except that our preferred videographer is already booked for our date, as was our preferred photographer.  So clearly people are already on their game for August 2014.  And if Sam had a regular job, this would be less of a scheduling issue, but he's about to start his more challenging rotation November through January.  Which means he won't have as much time to dedicate to planning during the week, and that's when the DJs want to get together.

Wonderful.  I guess if need be I can do some of this myself... but I really want Sam to be involved in our tasting and he is going to have be the driving force when we pick our live musicians.

One thing I haven't been doing enough of is focusing on my fitness plan.  I am simultaneously hopeful that Sam's longer hours this winter will make it easier for me to focus on losing weight and toning up for the wedding, and nervous that I'll be taking on a lot more responsibility and thus will be more stressed and less able to focus on myself.  The accountability is totally with me - so here's to focusing more on my health and less on the rest of the drama.

Especially because I think I found "the dress" on Saturday while I was shopping with Mom and Carina!

Niners v. Cardinals

Sunday was our first San Francisco 49er game of the season.  Sam and I brought Jackie and Joe to the game with us, and we had a great time tailgating with the McHones and Oliveros before we headed over to see the Ward Family.  

 We got to celebrate Matt and Whitney's baby boy who will be joining the family in April 2014.

Mike, Carina, Kelly, Dad

 Carina and Mom

 Jackie and I at the game

Lovely ladies and our amazing gentlemen!

Sam and I can't wait to go back in December for the last home game of the regular season.  

49er Faithful Headed 'Home'

Tonight, Sam and I are flying up to San Francisco to spend what we hope will be a beautiful fall weekend in Northern California.  It will be our first trip home since we got engaged in August, and the first time I've seen my Dad and sister, Carina.  As you can imagine, I am really looking forward to being back in my hometown.  

While we're home, we're going to be celebrating Carina passing her nursing examination and being able to look for a job.  She is the first nurse in our family, so obviously we're all overjoyed and incredibly proud of her.  In fact, she's been home since last weekend so Sam and I will be a bit late to her party, but it will be really good to spend time as a family all the same.

While Carina's accomplishment deserves a good deal of attention, we originally planned this vacation so that we could make it home for the 49er game on Sunday against the Arizona Cardinals.  

Since it's the last season at Candlestick, Sam and I are making an effort to make it up for as many games as we can - which is looking like two so far.  Unfortunately, we're pretty limited in nights that the flight schedule and game schedule line up for us.  

Focusing on the positives, though, we're bringing Jackie and Joe to the game.  I am really excited to see them both and get to share something that means so much to me with a couple that Sam and I are looking forward to sharing lots of future milestones with.  Plus, Carina and Jackie will get a chance to meet again and hopefully bond a little bit over my bachelorette party planning.  Dad is awesome and he's going to sit with the McHones so that Mom, Carina, Sam, Jackie, Joe and I can sit in Papa's seats.  

It will also be really fun to see the whole Tailgate Crew.  Sam has been getting ribbed for years about not proposing to me, so I'm excited to show off my beautiful engagement ring and let him get all the credit.  

In addition to the McHones and Tailgate Crew, we'll get to see Matt, Kelly and Mike Ward along with Chris and Whitney (I hope).  That will be really fun because in addition to celebrating our engagement, Whit and Matt announced that they're expecting their first baby in April 2014 - so we have a LOT to be cheerful and excited about.  I am planning on bringing a couple bottles of champagne to pop in the parking lot. 

View from Papa's seats Jan 12, 2013 (San Francisco v. Green Bay)

Welcome to Orange County Fall!

My little guy is such a handsome puppy!

Fall has finally arrived here in Irvine and I couldn't be happier!  

Fall makes me think of Northern California and I love celebrating the change of the seasons.  And now that we're into October, Sam and I are anticipating Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas.  

It rained yesterday for the first time this fall and it was magical.  The smell of the wet pavement and dirt.  The way the air has a bite and chill to it.  Maybe this fall is especially magical because I'm celebrating my engagement to the most amazing future-husband in the world.  

And wedding planning is going fantastically.  This week we pulled the trigger on a videographer and a DJ/Emcee who will also handle our lighting.  So now we've got a couple more big things crossed off our list.  The only things that we have left are to decide on an officiant, string trio or quartet for the ceremony, the cake, our menu, a hairdresser, a makeup artist and my wedding dress.

My sister is going to be in NorCal this weekend and she and my mom and I are going to check out a bridal salon that has "the dress".  There's been one dress in all my perusing that I keep coming back to and thinking that it's just perfect.  Yes, I'm nervous about what will happen when I put it on, but I am really excited to share this moment with my mom and sister.

Weekend Recap

Sam has taken up soccer and joined a men's league that plays on Sunday afternoons about 10 minutes from our house.

He played a little bit last season (summer) with Ryan Quigley, but this season (fall) he made his own team and recruited two of Ryan's teammates to play with a bunch of the UCI surgical specialty residents.   

It's been interesting, because the surgeons are so back with commitment since they've got call, vacations and really busy schedules in their free time.  Finally, this week, they were able to get together a group of guys who have been at several of the games and are getting used to playing together.  Additionally, Bo brought two of his friends who are pretty good.  

Last week was the first goal of the season, and this week they scored 4 - 2 of which came from MY FUTURE HUBBY!  :-)  I am still super proud of Sammy if you can't tell.  Not only did he score twice, he made a huge save while he was playing goalie at the end of the first half.  It was a great day for him and I know he finally felt like he was getting his touch and endurance back.  

Luckily, next we the team has a bye coming up because we're going to be gone in NorCal this weekend.  The following weekend, they have a double header so I'm going to bring an ice chest of water bottles, gatorade and orange slices.  I haven't done that yet this season because I don't want to be TOO much of the team mom, but I do think they deserve a little pampering if they're going to play two games in one day.

In other news, the Niners looked fantastic against the Houston Texans and I cannot wait to be at Candlestick this Sunday night!

Succulents and Cactus

With all of Sam's free time, we're working on cultivating hobbies that we both enjoy.  

One of the things I suggested is gardening.

I love gardening!  

I wish we had a real backyard so I could really do some serious landscaping, and it turns out Sam really likes outdoor home improvement activities.  Win-win!  

I've had a couple of different plants since I moved to Southern California.  There were some short-lived  geraniums on the Newport Peninsula that fried in the all-day direct sunlight.  Then I had an orchid that lived for about 2 years but couldn't find the right amount of sunlight in our current apartment. 

So far, my biggest success has come from a rubber plant my brought down after we moved into our apartment.  It's managed to survive (barely) for 2 years despite numerous periods of neglect.  Which got me thinking, maybe we needed to rethink the kinds of plants we were trying to cultivate.  Perhaps we should move away from the florals in favor of succulents.

So Sam agreed to check out succulents with me this morning and we headed to Lowes to see what we could find.  When we arrived, Sam found some cactus plants that looked pretty neat next to the succulents.  He also found some really neat pots that fit in with the ones we already have as well as the patio furniture for housing potted plants at different heights.  Major win-win!

Interestingly enough, we bought one pre-potted compilation of low-moisture succulents and cacti but we bought loose plants to put into 3 additional pots.  It's the perfect mix of do it yourself meets prefabrication.  And they are actually pretty cool looking when you mix them together.

 So hopefully we'll have better luck with these bad boys than I have had with previous iterations of potted plants and patio gardening.  At the very least, hopefully Hunter won't be eating these plants since these plants have spikes and prickly needles. 

First Dance Idea

So I'm thinking about using this as our first dance... it still needs to pass Sam's approval, but I do think that it would be a nice song and it's very pretty and classy without being Etta James (which I love, but Margaux and Pete just used that at their wedding and it's a BIT more appropriate for them than for us.)  Also, I think it would be pretty easy to take some dance lessons and choreograph a very nice dance to this song.  

I also have to work in the recessional song (and get Sam's approval for) "From This Moment" by Shania Twain.  Now there's a song that was practically written for that moment in a person's life.  We'll be introduced for the first time as husband and wife and then the lyrics will fade in, "From this moment life has begun, from this moment you are the one, right beside you is where I belong, From this moment on..."

Goleta Lemon Festival 2013

Tomorrow after work we're heading up to Santa Barbara to see some old friends and finally check out Kevin and Dylan's new house... we're only about a year late to the show on that one.  C'est la vie!

It will be fun to not have to worry about booking a DJ or officiant or ordering invitations for a weekend.  Wow, it's funny how much time and energy wedding planning takes.

While we're in town, Cortney got us passes into the Goleta Lemon Festival.  It should be interesting to check out the madness that I am sure will ensue with lemon-flavored beer and lemon-flavored foods.  I am looking forward to some lemon pie, myself.

We're also going to get to meet Conan, Kevin's puppy.  We're hoping that he and Hunter become BFFs so that all our future camping trips can include some doggy fun.  Conan will be a bigger guy than Hunter so it will be interesting to see how they get along - Hunter mostly gets to interact with dogs who are around the same size as he is.

My grandparents will be in town for Ali's home opener volleyball game this weekend, too.  So Sam and I are going to meet them for breakfast on Sunday morning and then drive back to Orange County in time for Sam's soccer game.  Nonna and Papa haven't gotten to see us since we got engaged, so I'm very excited to show off my beautiful ring (and give Sam lots of credit for designing it) and celebrate with them.

Ahhhhh I wish it were Friday afternoon already!

Decisions, Decisions

There are probably going to be many moments over the course of the rest of my life that I think to myself, "wow, I can't believe this is the guy I got to marry."  Luckily, those moments are already happening.

This past weekend, we spent Saturday doing a bunch of wedding stuff that needed to get taken care of sooner rather than later.  We scouted two very different, but very nice officiants and prepped our invitations at Papyrus.

Wow, was I blown away by Sam's involvement in all the planning.  Not that Sam hasn't been involved, but mostly he has been so focused on work and relaxing in his free time that I seem to be doing a lot of the recon for our wedding and he's been picking from the options I bring to him.  (Honestly, I thought that's how most grooms are, but maybe I was wrong!)

Anyway, Sam was so talkative with the officiants I was almost looking at him like, "Who are you and what have you done with my fiancé?"  At one point, Stephanie looked at me and said, "So, what about you, Gianna?"  It was one of the first times that someone has had to shut Sam up so I can get a work in edgewise.

And then we went to Papyrus to check out invitations.  That blew me away even more.  I was surprised that Sam was so involved and wanted to customize the invitations completely - pick his own paper, fonts, colors etc.  So much for going with something they had stock!  And as annoyed as I was at first, probably because I hadn't eaten yet, I was also very aware that I am incredibly lucky to have someone who cares so much about this moment in our lives that he wants to be involved and make everything as perfect as he possibly can.

Which became even more apparent when we met with the second officiant who is a Reverend and brings a lot of spirituality and experience to officiating weddings.  I have to say, it was Sam who first broke the silence in the car and said that he thought we should really consider having the Rev. perform our wedding.  There were a few too many "God" mentions for my taste, but I know what Sam was getting at.  There was a certain heaviness sitting there with that man.  As he spoke I felt my spine tingling and it kind of hit me all of the sudden that we are getting married... as in this isn't just a big party, there is a serious commitment going on.

Of course I know we're making a commitment, but we've been together so long that it sometimes doesn't feel like we need to go through the pomp and circumstance that is a ceremony to make our love official.  That said, in that room, it did hit me suddenly that this is going to be our one wedding day for the rest of our lives and we owe it to ourselves to take it seriously.

Even if we don't go with the Reverend, I am glad we met with him.  If we go with Stephanie, Sam and I will be better prepared to make this a serious (and lighthearted) ceremony that carries the appropriate weight for the moment while celebrating the unconditional love we share and our love story - the journey that got us here.

Birthday Week 2013

We kicked off my birthday week with a lot of drinking over the weekend.  In fact, I was actually hung over on Sunday.

A few things I am eagerly awaiting:

1. Dinner at Gabbi's on Wednesday night
2. My birthday cake from French's
3. Opening all my birthday cards

French's is apparently a great bakery and we've got friends who are going to use them for a wedding cake so I thought I'd give them a shot and order myself my first birthday cake since high school.  I mean honestly, I think my last store-bought, ordered birthday cake was in high school from either Mom or Papa Santi.  Very cool.  This is just one of the designs I really liked, but I went with something else... I will definitely post a photo after the big day.

Sam and I went to the gym tonight, and then he drove me down to the Kaiser hospital so I could pick up a prescription from the pharmacy.  He's got a sty and has been sitting here with a hot compress on his eye all night, and I'm on antibiotics.  Let's just say that we've got the whole "in sickness and in health" thing down tonight.  No worries about the rest of our lives!  

The only downside of my birthday weekend kick off was the atrocious Sunday Night Football performance of the 49ers.  I wanted to throw up after the game last night.  Ugh. 

The First Time (Again)

I hope after years of marriage Sam still feels this way about me:

 

Awwwww.  :-)

Dr. and Mrs. Wolson

Our last wedding of the 2013 wedding season was this past weekend.  To sum it up, Elton John may have said it best: "Can you feel the love tonight?  It is where we are."  This weekend was so full of love that it was palpable.  

The weekend started off with a little time at the pool with Sam's family.  It was nice because I had the opportunity to tell Lisa and George how much it means to me and how honored I am to wear their mother's diamond in my engagement ring.  

Sam and I were also able to show his parents some of the wedding planning we've been doing over the last several months.  It was neat too because our tastes are similar to Pete and Margaux's and we were able to see some of the same themes from our plans at their wedding on Sunday.  Rich and Sue helped us pick out our Save the Dates too!  I made a bunch of mockups for Sam to check out last week and he picked the two he liked the best for them to decide between.  

We met up with all of the out of town guests and local friends who were staying at the hotel for drinks at the hotel bar on Saturday night.  While everyone was mingling it gave me a chance to talk to Leo about it and thank him for picking out such a beautiful diamond.  I told him that I love him and I will always think of him when I look down, and he told me that he loves me too.  It was a really bittersweet moment because it's so evident how much he's aged in the 10 years Sam and I have been together, and he's really starting to show his mortality.  I guess that it reminds me a lot of Papa Hunter and Papa Santi too, which can be a little hard to think about.

The Celniker/Marcus family kept the party going with dinner at Red O.  Here's my Instagram pic from dinner, we were sitting on the patio watching the sunset and enjoying some yummy food and delicious beverages but most importantly fabulous company.  It was nice finally meeting Pete's relatives (who are also related to Sue, Lisa and George) from the East Coast.  We also had a great time catching up with Sam's cousins.  We don't get to see Dan, Sean and Mikaela often enough and rarely all together.  I get to chat with Mikaela on the phone every so often, and I keep up with Dan a little bit online when he posts interesting articles, but I really only get to catch up with Sean when we're in person and we don't get to see him very often.  

On Sunday, I spent a few hours with Miss Margaux in her suite with the ladies from her bachelorette party and we had a great time watching her get her hair and makeup done.  It was really, really fun to see all the girls again and the vibe in the room was awesome.  Margaux seemed totally calm and relaxed, all the girls were so happy to be there with her and it was just the nicest afternoon.  

Plus, the Niners won!

At about 3pm I headed down to Sue's hotel room where she and Mikaela were getting ready with Lisa. Mikaela did a great job on Sue's hair and makeup and it complimented her dress fabulously.  Lisa wore a gorgeous dress (perhaps from Sean's wedding) and looked really beautiful as well.  The boys all looked very dapper in their tuxes, and for the first time, I really felt like I was part of the family when we grabbed a drink in the hotel bar before we headed down to the wedding. 

The best part was that Sam made it to the wedding!!!  He was waiting for us when we arrived at Cafe la Boheme and looked so handsome in his black tux with his red tie and red pocket square.  We were all looking so good the photographers took a bunch of photos of the whole family while we were standing in the courtyard.  In fact, we were the subject of a BUNCH of photos in the courtyard.  :-)  Then it was time to head on in and take our seats.  It was really interesting, we all were seated at our tables and then Margaux came in from outside, walked across the dance floor and up to the beautiful giant fireplace to meet Pete.  They were married right there, with all of us sitting at our tables, and it totally worked.  Margaux had been saying she wanted a non-wedding feel and without an aisle and the rows of seats it definitely seemed a little more intimate and personal and fitting for their personalities.  The vows were just amazing!  They memorized their own vows and they weren't short little things!  They were just so heartfelt! 

After dinner, Sam and I did a little bit of dancing, but the DJ portion of the night seemed SO short!  It was fun though, and Sam and I got to dance a bit.  It's funny to think the next time we're all together at a wedding it will (probably) be ours unless one of the other cousins has a REALLY short engagement.  

Sam and I had to drive in tandem home after the wedding was over since he had to come up after being on call.  Because it was late and  we talked on the phone the whole way back and then fell into bed and passed out!

All in all, this was a WONDERFUL wedding weekend and I am so happy for Dr. and Mrs. Wolson!

A Second Full-Time Job

Woah, wedding planning is slowly taking over my life.  Not that I'm complaining, and I'm not overwhelmed (yet), but it's definitely taking up the majority of my free-time.

Even little things, like getting the room block together for the resort we're getting married at, have become bigger projects than I anticipated.  Thankfully, Sam's been wonderful so far and only chimes in when I have some options for him to choose from or when he feels really strongly about something - which is rarely the case.

The one recurring point of contention is the officiant for our ceremony.  The rabbi that married Sam's parents is still alive, and Sue has been pressuring me to have him marry us for what seems like the last six years.  To my credit, I have firmly stood my ground that I feel uncomfortable having the rabbi who married her perform our ceremony because the priest who married my parents is also also still alive.  Beyond the officiant, I don't think it would be fair to either side of the family to choose to be married in a religious ceremony when there are such varying degrees of religious commitment in our families.  Sam's dad is agnostic, his mom was raised by a Jewish father and Irish Catholic mother, my father grew up Catholic, my mother converted to Catholicism to get married in the Catholic church and both my parents attended Catholic high schools and a Catholic college.  Because of this, choosing an officiant is was one of the main things I have been dreading about wedding planning since long before we were engaged.

I have done more than my part to learn and celebrate the Jewish holidays and customs, but, despite pressure from Sam's mom,  I have been adamantly opposed to converting to Judaism.  I would never dream of asking Sam to give up his family customs in favor of mine, and I think it's insensitive that I would be put in the position where I would feel pressured to do so.  

Luckily, Sam is not pressuring me about having a Jewish wedding or asking the rabbi to perform our wedding (yet).  The rabbi will be performing the ceremony at the wedding we attend on Sunday, so it will give Sam and I an opportunity to see him in action.  Sam has promised his mom that we'll meet the rabbi before we make any decisions, but he has been very careful not to commit us to anything or make any comments for or against the rabbi.

To help us make our decision, we have appointments later this month with two well respected officiants who are local to the area and very comfortable performing interfaith marriages.  It's my hope that we will click with one of them and this will save me from having to compromise on something as big as who will preside over Sam and I committing ourselves to one another for the rest of our lives.  Obviously there will be compromises I have to make over the next couple of months, but this isn't one that I'm comfortable with and I don't feel like this is something I can brush off without having serious regret later.

Celniker Family Time

Sam's family is coming into town this weekend for Pete & Margaux's wedding.  Everyone will be in LA - George from Texas, Dan from Washington DC, and the rest of the family from NorCal.  It's going to be really fun!

It's also our first time seeing the whole family since we got engaged, so that's going to be really fun too!  Actually, it's going to be the fist time I've seen Sam's parents since he proposed too.  I'm definitely excited to see everyone!

Actually, we'll get to meet the New York cousins for the first time too.  We're going to dinner at Red O with them on Saturday night while Pete has his bachelor party and Margaux relaxes with Ingrid and her girlfriends.  

I think after dinner, the plan is for the cousins to go out for a drink to celebrate Sam and my engagement.  We'll see how that goes... it will probably depend on what time we all get to leave dinner.  But regardless, it will be really good to see the cousins.  Dan is coming into town on Friday and the word on the street is that he'll be staying with us Friday night before heading up to LA to stay in the hotel with the rest of the family.

Unfortunately, Sam and I aren't staying up in LA... he is on call on Sunday so he has to be in Orange County so there's no benefit to us staying up there.  Also, we won't have to pay for Hunter to be here with our dog sitter if we're home with him.  We will still have her come and walk him about midway through the time we'll be gone on Saturday and Sunday, but that's significantly cheaper than having her stay overnight.  

Anyway, it will be really good to spend time with the whole Celniker side of the family... the Galles, Burkharts and Celnikers!

Doing the Right Thing

Today I was faced with doing the right thing and doing the easy thing a la Professor Dumbledore.  I want to believe I did the right thing, but it certainly wasn't easy.

Some people might go so far as to say that I stuck my nose in business that I had no business getting involved with.  And those people might be right about that.  I am certainly one to stick my nose where it doesn't belong for the good of a friend...  even if it isn't going to make me any friends.

The reality is I am a direct, confrontational person by nature and I am willing to make things a little awkward upfront to make sure that everything is okay later on.  My philosophy is the worst case scenario would be that I was in an uncomfortable position that could have been avoided!

And I think that we accomplished what we sent out to accomplish!

The Guest List

So far, the worst part about wedding planning is, without a doubt, the guest list.  Obviously we have two families that need to be accommodated as well as ten years worth of mutual friends and two lifetimes of best friends.  It all adds up to a lot of people.

And that is the crux of our dilemma.  Where to make the cuts.  Where are the natural dividing lines of social circles?  As the bride, I feel like it's my responsibility to bridge the gap between my parents and Sam, who in turn will have to head up the conversations with his parents.  It's a well-rehearsed, choreographed dance that Sam and I are managing these days.  I suppose all couples go through a bit of this, especially with a fixed budget and limited venue capacity, but that doesn't ease my anxiety.

I am still in the honeymoon phase of wedding planning; I want to please everyone.  I am told by former brides that this phase will wear off... and hopefully that will happen soon.  I can't imagine going through the next 10 months of planning trying to make my mom, Sam's mom, Sam and I happy.  That sounds completely exhausting!

So for now, as we try to cut our list down to the maximum venue capacity, I am torn between making Sam and I happy, making my parents happy, and making Sam's parents happy.

Wedding Planning

I am so incredibly excited to be a bride!  Obviously this is (hopefully) the experience of a lifetime for any couple, and Sam and I have been waiting a really long time for this.  From the invitations to the decorations to the food to the cake to the hotels our guests are going to stay at - I am really excited to do everything!  

So far planning the invasion of Normandy (which is what my Nonna and I are affectionately calling the wedding planning process) has been going really smoothly.  I suppose that we're lucky because we already started this whole process so many months ahead of time but here's some of the stuff we're thinking of:

Football Season 2013

This is going to be a very bittersweet football season for me.  As you (hopefully) know, my family has had season tickets to the 49ers since Kezar Stadium, and at the end of this season, the 49ers current stadium at Candlestick Park will be torn down.  The new stadium will be built in Santa Clara, and it looks to be quite a work of art.  Unfortunately, Papa's seats on the 45 yard line, 15 rows up behind the 49ers bench were going to be $80,000 a piece for the personal seat licenses (PSLs) - that doesn't even include the price of the tickets!

So, Papa gave up his seats.  Dad is going to have one seat in the upper deck with some of his friends from high school, who we tailgate with every Sunday.  The plan is to buy tickets comparable to what we are accustom to when we want to go to games, and even if we were to spend $2,000 for all 6 (now 7, with Sam) of us to go together, it would be significantly cheaper than buying season tickets that we don't even use every week because we only have 4 family members currently living in the Bay Area.

What makes this season especially tough is that we were so close to our 6th Super Bowl victory last February and I was incredibly invested in the season as you can see here, here, here, and especially here in NOLA.  This year we have another great team, and it's going to be really tough to say goodbye to The Stick when it just seems to feel like we're returning to our glory days.

My Side Kick

My constant companion throughout all the wedding planning and organizing has been little Hunter.

He is so patient and loving and affectionate... I couldn't imagine a better side kick!  Especially since Sam has been busy with work and on vacation since we got engaged.  And Hunter obviously loves every decision I make.  :-)

But seriously, tonight as I was copying 100 to-do items from The Knot website to an excel spreadsheet to send off to both sets of parents, Hunter hung out right next to me.  He snuggled up with me, he played a little fetch and when Sam had to go into the hospital to admit a patient, Hunter curled up and went to sleep next to me.

Create Something Awesome

Seth Godin wrote a post that I couldn't agree more with: Perhaps you could just make something awesome instead.

I often feel like there is a lot of pressure put on marketers to manipulate the facts about a product or service to drum up interest and generate sales.  I understand that's part of my job, but I believe that is only to an extent.  I do not believe in trying to get people to buy into a lie.

I would much prefer that we just make something awesome instead, something that doesn't need to be 'spun' in a positive light.  It's kind of like the articles poking fun at Microsoft for all their smear campaigns putting down Apple products.  Can't they just talk about how great the Microsoft products are instead?  Maybe they can't.  And consumers are smart enough to perceive when brands are being evasive and trying to put down the competition to stay relevant.

Thankfully, I don't have to do much faking it with my marketing, but I am painfully aware that some of my colleagues do.