Thankfully that ended on Tuesday night at Starbucks in San Juan Capistrano!
Sam had found a couple of additional officiants for us to interview on The Knot and Tom was quick to respond and easy to set up an appointment with.
We were really impressed with how professional Tom looked and how he carried himself. He was pretty much exactly what we were looking for!
Tom's an elementary school principal, but he has been doing weddings on the side for 6 years starting when his cousin asked him to perform their ceremony on a family vacation in Mexico. Tom pursued a career in marriage and family therapy before he went into education, which was an unexpected bonus because he definitely gave us a little mini counseling session and didn't seem preachy or judgmental.
He also shared a lot about his own family and assured us that it's totally normal for couples to struggle setting boundaries with parents and in-laws as they enter into marriage. He told us that from his own personal experience he cannot impress upon us enough the importance of setting boundaries with our parents and families from the very beginning of our married life.
He reinforced the crappy truth that people's feelings are going to get hurt by us setting boundaries whether we do it now or we do it when we have our own kids. He said there was so much unnecessary drama with his parents based on his own inability to set boundaries with them and it really hurt his wife and his relationship with his parents.
That totally hit home for Sam and I, because we have two AMAZING families that would love to spend every second with us. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to master the fine art of being in two places at once, so we're trying to split our holidays and time between our families.
If it were just a matter of our parents and siblings, that would be less difficult, but we have three extended families to fit in as well. Sam's mom's side of the family spends almost every holiday all together, which is a bit daunting for me because I worry about the expectations they will have for Sam and I. My parents split holidays between my mom's family (grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) and my dad's family (grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins). We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with one side, Christmas Day and Easter with the other, and split up Mother's Day and Father's Day.
I think my family is prepared to have Sam and I MIA at family functions and holiday events now that they have to share me (more formally) with the Galles. It's tough for me though, because I realize that I'm going to miss out on a lot. We'll only be spending 50% of the holidays with my side of our family. Of that 50%, probably 33% will be with the Santis, 33% with the Hunters and 33% with just my immediate family.
I am really, really excited about getting married, and I'm sure Sam and I are lucky to have been working on this whole family integration thing over the last 10+ years. I just wish it was easier.
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