Calendaring

It's amazing how quickly my calendar fills up... It's not even May yet and my weekends are already booked through June.  I do not say that to brag, believe me.  I would welcome a weekend of NOTHING.  No traveling.  No socializing.  No hosting.

Sam loves to go big on his Golden Weekends despite my desire to veg on the couch and recoup from the craziness.  Oh well!  Until the time when Sam has more free time I will be living and dying by my calendar.  

Unconditional Love

The amazing things about dogs is how much they teach you about love.  Hunter came into my life and everything changed.  For the first time, there was this precious (and precocious) little guy depending entirely on me for his well-being.  

Yes, it's a lot more responsibility than I've ever had before, but all the late night and early morning walks are more than worth it.  I just love, love, love having him in my life.  Oh man, I am so thankful.

But the best thing about puppies?  Is they way they love us.  

Hunter follows me around the house and watches my every move.  When Sam is overnight at the hospital, Hunter is my little protector on high-alert at any strange noise.  He is content to snuggle on the couch watching movies, or be dragged along (and eventually carried) on a hike with ocean-views.  Above all things:

This little guy loves UNCONDITIONALLY with his whole being.

And I love him too.  Unconditionally.

Movie Stars

My, my it's been a horribly busy week.  Jackie's bachelorette weekend was pretty fun- I got home and Sam let me know Jacadi and Sean were going to take us up on our offer to have them come stay in the guest room while they did some house hunting.

What an awesome surprise!  And better yet, we got to meet Isaac!  18 months after he was born, and a whole lot of photos later, but we did get to meet him!!!  He is really adorable, I mean seriously he's the most precocious little guy and he is so sweet with Hunter (BTW they are born like about 15 days apart).  They're pretty sure they found a place to rent until Sean gets himself a job (he was waiting to see where Jacadi matched) and then they'll be looking to buy a place.

It was a crazy week- our vendor hired a videographer to film a video testimonial for two of our clients.  How cool!!!  Right?  I am going to be a movie star!!! :-) The first was on Tuesday, which was a 9+ hour day, and then Wednesday I pulled another 9+ hour day doing some errands at the last minute after work.  Wednesday I was completely exhausted.  I woke up and felt sniffly and my neck was sore and I had a headache.  Today I woke up and had a bit of a scratchy throat.  Felt foggy.  I came home and napped this afternoon before I dropped off Sam's carnitas stuff at the hospital.

Man, I am just spent.  And I have another FULL weekend ahead of me.  Sam's parents arrive tomorrow with Leo and we're all celebrating Aunt Elsa's 80th birthday on Saturday.  I am so excited to see them, but I also think I'm in desperate need of some rest and relaxation.

So with that, I'm off to bed!  I need to get ready for Jackie's wedding next weekend- I will be going up on Thursday and I definitely need my rest before then!

Love for Boston

This morning I was thinking good thoughts for my fitness mentor, personal trainer and (above all else) friend, Amanda, as she competed in the Boston Marathon.  I was so proud of her for overcoming the health obstacles she has faced during her training and was so impressed she had made the qualifying time.  Little did I know that a few short hours later I would be hearing harrowing reports of explosions near the finish line and wonder if she was one of the victims.

I am lucky to count the number of times I have really been worried about a friend's life on one hand.  Today, as I heard reports about the injured runners and spectators, I immediately thought of Amanda and her family.  I pulled up Facebook to check if she'd posted anything since the explosions and was preparing to send her a text message to check in on her when I saw on my newsfeed that she and her family were safe and sound and away from the danger zone.  Relief.  Completely and total relief.

I posted on my Facebook tonight: "I am so thankful that my Boston marathoner is safe, and my heart goes out the families and friends who weren't so lucky today."

After getting home this evening, I began pouring over the articles, images and video from the scene.  Nothing was more horrific than the video and images of the young man who had both legs blown off below the knee- his left tibia was exposed several inches where the flesh had completely been taken off before abruptly ending.  To say the scene was gruesome would not do it justice.

The thought that an 8-year old boy lost his life sickens me.  That child had his entire life ahead of him and thanks to the sociopath(s) behind this terrorism his bright future has been snuffed out.  How unbelievably tragic.  Just heart-wrenching.

Then there is this... the complete lack of humanity from the Westboro Baptist Church whose parish is threatening to boycott the funerals of the victims because they believe the bombings are directly related to Massachusetts's gay marriage laws.  WTF Westboro?  What is wrong with you!?  I believe in a forgiving God, a compassionate God, a God that would NOT kill an 8-year old boy because of gay-marriage laws.  It makes me sick.

And as I sat here venting to Sam about the horror that happened today, he looked at me and said, "Things like this happen all the time."  I was outraged.  I was offended.  And then I realized he speaks the truth.  Everyday Sam sees patients who have experienced tragedy- often at the fault of someone else.  Victims of car accidents, fireworks, stupid horseplay, etc. who watch their entire life change in an instant.  And many of those people are no different than the Boston marathoners; just going about their lives and then BAM- nothing will ever be the same.  Talk about putting things into perspective.  Right?  Makes my problems seem so insignificant!

So tonight, I am thankful for the health and safety of my loved ones in Boston and around the world.  I am thankful for the people who tended to the wounded and who sought to clear the area of other potentially harmful devices.  The ray of hope we experience in crisis is the humanity we see in the 'helpers'.

Balance

Mom and I had a rough conversation on Tuesday night.  Not a bad one, but one that was difficult and focused on my shortcomings.

Balance.  I am not very good at maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

I never have been.

In high school it was all about water polo.  I distinctly remember missing my English Exit Exam because I had a water polo tournament the same weekend and it was far more likely that I would get into college being scouted as opposed to on my academic merits.

Then in college I stepped back from water polo and focused on school so that I could achieve success in a career some day.  And I poured myself into my grades- getting on the Dean's List a couple of times.

The healthiest I have been in my life was in 2011 when I knew I was leaving my job and started focusing on myself instead of my career.  I worked out, I spent time with friends and I did my best not to stress out.

All of that changed when I got my current job.  Small company, lots of hats to wear, and never enough hours in the day to finish my to do list.  I do not do well with stress. Not that that's news to me.  I have always been a stress eater.  I definitely must have high levels of the hormones that cause stress-induced weight gain.  Boy am I a sucker for comfort food when I am wigged out.  And boy am I wigged out.

I feel undervalued and under-appreciated  at work.  I am frustrated that we have no metrics on which I can base marketing decisions and we have no infrastructure to track metrics.  I am trying to conquer the world and I am chained to a slab of stone that is weighing me down and making it tough to even tread water let alone swim to shore.

I am waiting for the next chapter of my life with Sam to begin- and apparently he is hellbent on taking his sweet ass time.  I feel like every time someone else gets engaged it's just another reminder that perhaps something is wrong with me and that's why it hasn't been my turn yet.  Paranoia much?

And to distract myself, I threw myself into work.  I should have thrown myself into working out, but I guess ya live and learn.  I just thought if I could get that one extra project done, or caught up on the day's emails that I would feel like I was making some headway.

So now I need to focus on making healthy choices- Hunter and I are going to start jogging and work our way up to 5K distances again.  I need to make better nutritional choices.  I need to let the stress and the anxiety about getting engaged and planning a wedding and trying to keep our home tidy.

So here we go.

Showering Miss Jackie

I have some really amazing girlfriends.  No, really.  I know lots of girls want to believe their girlfriends are the best girlfriends but really, I mean it.

This weekend I flew home to attend my college roommate's bridal shower- woot woot UC Davis!  Jackie is that friend who embodies all the personality traits I wish I had.  She is so mellow, thoughtful, calm and does such a wonderful job of talking me down from my emotional panic states.  I love her.

And let me tell you, all the stress of traveling was 100% worth it.  Heidi, our other college roommate and maid of honor, did a FANTASTIC job.  I mean seriously, Heidi deserves a lot of kudos for this party.  It makes me so thankful for my time at UC Davis and that I got to befriend such wonderful ladies.  

So wbrought the great camera with me and took care of business. So without further adieu here are some of the photos I took at the shower:

TGIF!!!

I could not agree more with this meme.  OMG this has been a crappy week.  Full disclosure, it's *that* time of the month so I have been a bit of a hormonal mess.  Let's just say that I spent Tuesday afternoon bursting into tears several times in my office.  Yes, it was that bad.  Plus, Sam got sick and obviously we're all cranky when we don't feel good.  Last night, we had two comforters on our bed- one on my side and one on his.  Dear Lord, please let him be recover by the time I see him Monday!

Yes, I will be out of town this weekend at Miss Jackie's Bridal Shower.  I have tonight to pack, spend some quality time with Hunter Puppy, write in Jackie's card, fill out the recipe card (we're all donating new recipes to her and Joe's collection) and prep Hunter's dog-sitter with notes for her visits on Sunday.

Sam and I will split up our nights with him so that we don't have to have the dog-sitter stay overnight or leave Hunter at the vet.  I am on duty tonight and Sunday night, Sam will be home mid-afternoon on Saturday and rest at home that night before reporting for call again on Sunday morning. 

This weekend kicks off the 2013 Wedding Season Madness for me.  And believe me, this homebody is already feeling elevated blood pressure just looking at her calendar.  I underestimated how stressful it would be to concurrently plan a reunion and a bachelorette party long-distance.  Not that I would give either of them up, I am having fun and am really excited about all the festivities, but it's all the little details that creep up on me 

We're going to be up in Tahoe during shoulder season, so the restaurants are not as responsive as I would like them to be, i.e. (I waited 2 weeks to actually get firm plans set up with the limo company and the restaurant).  If you know me, you know that I like to try to be prompt and organized with lots of advance planning. 

Worse than flaky vendors, I have about three people I just want to punch in the face.  I realize that everyone is doing their best to be helpful; however, I wish that people would keep in mind that we're talking about big groups here and what is easiest may not be EXACTLY what you, the individual wants, but for the sake of the group (and my sanity) could you just go with the flow?  I am not going to friend 300 people on Facebook to make sure they get added to our reunion group- those folks who don't want to publicly associate their profiles with our high school can either a) get an emailed registration PDF from the folks they keep in touch with, or b) they can email me directly and I'm happy to hook them up.  And while I'm on the subject, if you join the group, please take the time to explore the information!  I can't tell you how irritating it is for me to explain the same 3 things over and over and over.  The location is listed, the registration fee is listed, and it clearly says MULTIPLE places that you cannot pay at the door.  Don't whine to me about that.  Just freakin' plan accordingly.

Can you tell my patience for morons is wearing thin ?  :-)  I should probably make this gem (at right) my anti-mantra for the next couple of months.  Actually, no joke, I should probably print it out (or order a few plaques somewhere online) and hang this up in my office at work and my office at home.  Sheesh.  I know I like things to be my way, but sometimes I honestly think my way is the best damn way to do it.

But seriously folks, I understand we all have our little preferences.  And I do want to accommodate them, if I didn't care I'd be WAY less stressed out!  Just keep in mind when you make some special request 2 weeks before the event that it may cause me to have a complete emotional breakdown, crying in my office at work. 

Seasons

So The Walking Dead season 3 ended this weekend... I will be honest I watched the season finale on Monday because I was watching the Game of Thrones premier on Sunday.

I must say, if there is one thing I really appreciate about HBO (and believe me there are LOTS of things I love about it: no commercials, great movie selections, etc.) it's that they run new episodes during the off season for most primetime series.

I remember dreading spring because all my favorite shows were going to be playing reruns until after school was back in session.  Obviously my parents were not into Pay-per-View TV.

Before I dive into Game of Thrones, let me share with you this awesome link from The Chive A Few Things That Make No Sense About 'The Walking Dead'.  Enjoy Dead-Heads!

Now, onto GoT.  Wow.  I was overwhelmed with all the new characters introduced during the 4th A Song of Ice and Fire book, A Feast for Crows.  I also hated that George RR Martin broke the characters up into two groups and told their stories across two concurrent books: A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons.  But that's another story.

I am very curious to see how the TV show is going to overcome the difficulty of giving each character enough screen time and plot development as we see additional characters joining the cast.  In the books, we lost a couple other key people before we added any new faces, but the show's writers still haven't given those characters the axe yet- which I am grateful for!  Still though, we watched the premier with Ryan and Jen, and Ryan made the comment that there are so many people to follow.  We didn't see Arya Stark at all, nor did we see much of Jon Snow or Tyrion Lannister.  I am very, very curious to see how they make this work.  Especially since they are blowing through the plot of the books and going further ahead into some plots than others.

Sam's big concern is that we're going to see a decline in the series this season now that the show has such a following and they are doing season premier events and meet the cast sessions.  Perhaps he's right.  The more concerning thing for me at the moment is when Martin will finish The Winds of Winter.  It was assumed that he would be able to write roughly 500 pages a year and finish the book in 3 years.  As of November 2012, he had 400 manuscript pages finished.  That means, if I am lucky, he might publish sometime in 2014.  Seriously?  The dude is 64 years old and I am going to be pissed (as will millions of fans around the world) if he leaves this business unfinished or if the TV show catches up to the damn books!

Disappointment

Disappointment is one of my greatest inhibitors to success.  The fear of disappointing my parents was something I struggled so much with in college that I worked with a therapist for years to overcome it.  I will never forget what Dr. Annette Cody told me the first day we met, "life is a journey and not everyone in your life will be able to come along with you."  I remember driving home from the appointment wondering which people that would be.

As I learned to stand up for what I believe in, I found that my true friends and my family stuck by me no matter what.  I saw that living in fear of disappointing other people is really a manifestation of my fear of being rejected by the people closest to me.  By allowing other people to dictate my actions I am only disappointing myself and squandering the opportunities in my life.

Some people fell out of my life imminently while others slowly faded into the background and then out of the picture completely.  I let some people go without resistance, but I fought for others until the bitter end.  Even now, I find  myself acknowledging the end of relationships with friends and coworkers.  Sometimes they are moving on to new chapters that I'm not ready to experience yet and sometimes I am moving on before they are ready.  I feel no bitterness at being "left behind" and I don't place blame.  It's said things fall apart so better things can come together- I believe that as old relationships fade new people come into our lives to fill those gaps.

In the last few years I have done some soul-searching.  I have taken stock of the people around me and I have asked myself some tough questions about my life.  Am I happy?  What do I want in life?  I made the decision to purposely distance myself from some people in my life.  It was not easy, but it was not as difficult as I expected it to be either.

I can choose to be disappointed in myself that these friendships weren't as lasting as I had thought they would be, or I can look to the future and begin to surround myself with engaging, supportive people who can provide me the support and and energy I want to have in my life.  I choose the latter.

It's possible that in time paths will cross again, and I welcome that opportunity in the future.