Balance

Mom and I had a rough conversation on Tuesday night.  Not a bad one, but one that was difficult and focused on my shortcomings.

Balance.  I am not very good at maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

I never have been.

In high school it was all about water polo.  I distinctly remember missing my English Exit Exam because I had a water polo tournament the same weekend and it was far more likely that I would get into college being scouted as opposed to on my academic merits.

Then in college I stepped back from water polo and focused on school so that I could achieve success in a career some day.  And I poured myself into my grades- getting on the Dean's List a couple of times.

The healthiest I have been in my life was in 2011 when I knew I was leaving my job and started focusing on myself instead of my career.  I worked out, I spent time with friends and I did my best not to stress out.

All of that changed when I got my current job.  Small company, lots of hats to wear, and never enough hours in the day to finish my to do list.  I do not do well with stress. Not that that's news to me.  I have always been a stress eater.  I definitely must have high levels of the hormones that cause stress-induced weight gain.  Boy am I a sucker for comfort food when I am wigged out.  And boy am I wigged out.

I feel undervalued and under-appreciated  at work.  I am frustrated that we have no metrics on which I can base marketing decisions and we have no infrastructure to track metrics.  I am trying to conquer the world and I am chained to a slab of stone that is weighing me down and making it tough to even tread water let alone swim to shore.

I am waiting for the next chapter of my life with Sam to begin- and apparently he is hellbent on taking his sweet ass time.  I feel like every time someone else gets engaged it's just another reminder that perhaps something is wrong with me and that's why it hasn't been my turn yet.  Paranoia much?

And to distract myself, I threw myself into work.  I should have thrown myself into working out, but I guess ya live and learn.  I just thought if I could get that one extra project done, or caught up on the day's emails that I would feel like I was making some headway.

So now I need to focus on making healthy choices- Hunter and I are going to start jogging and work our way up to 5K distances again.  I need to make better nutritional choices.  I need to let the stress and the anxiety about getting engaged and planning a wedding and trying to keep our home tidy.

So here we go.