Contending with the Wall

It's been a rough road for me the past three months.  Continually putting myself out there via resumes and cover letters and being rejected time and time again has not been fun.  "Frustration" does not even begin to describe the feeling of knowing that I can do this and not having the chance to prove myself.  At the end of September, I finally hit the wall: I didn't want to work out.  I didn't want to send out resumes.  I didn't even want to get dressed in the morning.  I was consumed with the fear of being a failure.  Afraid of admitting that maybe I wasn't going to succeed in changing my career to marketing.  

Until three weeks ago, I had been too proud to admit that I may fail.  Inexperience and the tough economy are factors outside my control that are working against me.  And, I admit it now, I may not get my dream job.  I certainly feel beaten down, broken, and as if the whole world is against me.  I honestly can't say if I have the energy and stamina to keep this up.  

I remember an early morning swim set during the fall of my sophomore year of high school.  It was still dark out, biting cold, and we were swimming 50 yards freestyle.  Being the mathematician that I am, I miscounted what number I was on and sprinted my second-to-last 50 yards  thinking I was done.  

"I can't do it," I panted to Coach Drew.  My arms were heavy and my legs were burning.

"Yes you can, Gianna.  You've just hit the wall.  You're going to sprint this last 50, and break through that wall.  Crush that wall."

Sure I would pass out, and gasping for breath, I pushed off the side of the pool and swam like my life depended on it.  I did not die that morning.  I finished that set, and others, before hitting the showers and heading to class.  He was right, I did have it in me to go just a little further.  

That same year, Coach Drew sat us down as a team and read us this quote: 

You have to start by wanting to be a contender, the man coming up, the man who knows there's a good chance he'll never get to the top, the man who's willing to seat and bleed to get up as high as his legs and his brain and his heart will take him.  -Robert Lipsyte, The Contender

So, here's the epic question I am faced with: How do you know if you're up as high as your legs and your brain and your heart will take you, or if you just need to break through your wall?