Just Barely

Today was one of those days.

You know the kind.

My boss and I are at odds regarding the best use of some video footage we shot two weeks ago.  I just barely got a hold of myself and redirected our focus on the common goal we share before the debate devolved into some kind of fight.  Just barely.

I barely contained a bout of road rage while Sam was driving us to the gym.  I wasn't even driving.  I wanted to scream, but I held it in.  Just barely.

During spin class I almost cussed out the teacher and left early.  I just barely contained myself and redirected my frustration into the workout.  Just barely.  It's a good thing I stuck it out because I am now exhausted and completely devoid of frustration.

I also really liked the class- great music, good vibe coming from the instructor and overall a great workout.  Not too hard, but a steady, consistent hardcore workout the entire hour.  I went up to the instructor after the class to compliment her and see which other nights she teaches.  Unfortunately she said this is her only LA Fitness class, the rest of the week she teaches down at a studio in San Clemente.  She told me she does get to sub a lot and told me if I gave her my email she'd let me know when she's subbing.  I gave her my email and cell phone number so she can text me too.  She said she knows how it feels to be disappointed with group exercise instructors and that's what motivated her to become a spin teacher herself- I told her I'd had that thought myself.  Sam might get ahold of that idea and run with it.  Although I am not sure I have the time and energy to devote to teaching class- I almost feel like I need to focus all my attention on my own fitness and workouts so I can succeed in my weight loss goals.

And boy did I get a good work out tonight!  Holy Jesus I was having a tough time walking up the stairs tonight after class.  I literally turned to Sam and told him he was on Hunter's potty duty tonight because I don't think I can go up and down the stairs again.

Side Note: A sign of a great spin workout is definitely having trouble and feeling leg fatigue while going up stairs after a workout and the following day.

Now I'm trying to stay awake so I can fold yet another load of Sam's laundry and start on the guest room's sheets and towels.  I'm awake, but just barely.  I guess I'll have to hold off on the guest room for another night.  As for now, I think I'm going to roll out my legs on my foam roller and head to bed.

I think I can make it.

Just barely.

Memorial Day Weekend 2013

This was one of the best weekends in a long time.  Sam had the entire holiday weekend off!  We spent all three days together as a family- Sam, Hunter and I.  And lots of friends.  It was perfect.  I am very thankful for all that I have and all those who have given their lives so that I am able to lead the life I live.

At The Olde Ship

Friday I went into work early so that I could get out and to the lab for my last blood draw.  Of course I got a nasty bruise which makes me think that I'm not doing very well following the "reduce bruising techniques" that Kaiser has provided me.  Oh well- the point is that I am back down into the normal range of WBC!

Armed with that news, we spent a quiet night at home on the couch just the three of us.  Both Sam and I were pretty exhausted from long weeks and he hadn't taken a day off in 3 full weeks. 

Saturday morning I woke up with Sam snuggled on my left side and Hunter snuggled on my right side. It was fantastic.  We had a lazy morning and met up with Nate who came down from Santa Monica to spend hang out.  We went up to The Olde Ship to watch some European Soccer and then took Hunter down to Newport Harbor to go paddle boarding for the first time.  It was a blast!  He did pretty damn well and I think we'll do it again.  The sweetest thing was when Hunter leapt off the front of Nate's board and swam to mine.  So cute.  He also jumped from Sam's to mine.  It made me feel so loved.  Eventually the boys got up but I slept until 9:30 and felt more refreshed than I had in days.  

Saturday night we hosted a BBQ for our friends.  Jenners, Aaron, Nick, Amy, Nate, Jen and Ryan came over.  We made salmon, ahi and halibut along with a bunch of grilled veggies and Amy brought appetizers and salad.  It was great.  We went to the hot tub after dinner and relaxed and vegged out.  It was so fun and laid back and one of the greatest evenings I've had in a long time.  No stress, just great people and great food and not a care in the world. 

At The Vortex in Manhattan Beach

Sunday morning we went over to Brugglers Bagels and picked up a dozen bagels for breakfast.  We ate, packed up our stuff and headed up to Santa Monica to check out Nate and Jazzy's place.  After we got settled in, we drove down to Manhattan Beach to meet up with some of Nate's buddies from dental school and participate in a big Memorial Day Block Party BBQ on 35th Street on the block called The Vortex.  

It was quite an experience.  There were tons of dogs around so Hunter was in good company.  He made lots of friends- what a freakin' adorable puppy we have!  So we had a great time eating, playing some games and hanging out.  Eventually, Carrie came and picked Sam and I up and saved our asses by taking us back to Santa Monica where we changed clothes and then picked up some food.  Just about the time we got back to Manhattan Beach, Nate was ready to go back to his place so Sam got us a ride using Uber (which is so freaking awesome).  

Sleeping in a strange place with Hunter is always tough the first night.  So needless to say, we didn't sleep so well last night.  We got up, had some more bagels for breakfast, and took a long walk through the beautiful Santa Monica neighborhoods.  

Then we dropped Nate off at his car in Manhattan Beach and headed home to shower and clean up.  Oh my God, the shower felt so freaking amazing.  We started some laundry and got things situated around the house before we headed over to Nick's place for a little more fun.  Ryan and Jen and Arya were there along with Nick's roommate and his girlfriend.  

5th Street in Santa Monica

Sam and I wanted to go down to Laguna for dinner and Nick and Amy were going to join us, but they backed out at the last minute.  Then, Sam decided he would like to hit up Bandera in Corona del Mar instead of going all the way down to Laguna Beach.  It was really nice.  We had mojitos (which I had been craving) and salad and salmon and their amazing jalapeño corn bread.  

After we got home we continued to do more laundry and decided to watch a Memorial Day movie... Black Hawk Down.  It's amazing how much respect I have for the men and women who fight wars for us.  I am so thankful for the land of the free and the home of the brave.  I am thankful for the people who have given their lives willingly so that I can live in a democratic country and support my family.  I am so lucky.  Part of that may be due to my family and where I was born but it's also due to the fact that we have people are willing protect those "rights".

Seth says "Lead Up"

Here's a passage from Seth Godin's blog post Lead Up:

"A successful middle manager gets promoted when she takes the right amount of initiative, defers the right amount of credit and orchestrates success. That success might happen despite (not because) of who her bosses are, and that's just fine, because she's leading up."

Easier said than done, Seth. Still good advice.  Too often I hear people blaming external circumstances for their failure and inability to succeed.  The truth is we have more control of our situations than we like to think.  

I can eat doughnuts or I can work out- those choices are going to affect my weight loss.  I can blame the office's stockpile of sweets or I can blame my own poor self control.  Obviously it's less fun to take accountability for the things that aren't perfect in life, but that's part of being an adult. 

Already Gone

I want this song so badly and they don't have it on iTunes yet!


"Already Gone"
Composed by Kyle Jacobs, Ben Glover & Joy Williams
Sung By: Connie Britton as Rayna James

Understand that it's a long, long road to Independence

But I'm leaving you for Tennessee

I've got demons riding shotgun, telling me not to go

But they don't know I'm already gone

I'm already gone

Integrity is All You Have

This morning I read It's Thomas Midgeley day, a blog post by Seth Godin that had my head spinning.  He wrote in honor of what would have been Thomas Midgeley's 124th birthday, and what the consequences can be, "when short-term profit-taking meets marketing."  Read Seth's full post here.

Midgeley worked in the gasoline industry and he helped his company delude the public and government into believing that leaded gasoline was not a threat to health and well being despite knowing otherwise.  It is a horrific and inhumane thing to put other people's lives at risk without giving them full disclosure about the possible side effects, consequences, or outcome.  I was appalled.

I have always said that I will not perform a job or participate as a part of an organization that compromises either my personal or professional integrity.  I firmly believe integrity is the only thing that we have that cannot be taken away.  People can't steal your integrity.  You choose to sell it, give it up, compromise it, etc.

That said, it's very interesting that I've chosen to make a career in marketing.  Although I don't enjoy admitting it, marketing doesn't have a great record with integrity.  Here's a quick list of offending industries off the top of my head:

• Cigarette Industry (Joe the Camel; The Marlboro Man)
• Oil Industry
• Fast Food Industry
• Politics 

The wikipedia definition of Marketing Ethics provides compelling reasoning behind the shifty choices made by marketing professionals and their superiors.  Reading it almost seems like the backstory of a TV show or dramatic movie instead of a description of the real world of business marketing.

Still, I hope that the information age makes hiding the unwanted side effects of products or the truth about recipes or the motives behind military strikes will become less and less possible.  Today, we have very little ability to mask information.  We leave a digital trail almost every time we access the internet, travel, make a purchase and so forth.

I hope that my generation of marketing professionals will leave the unethical marketing behind and maintain our integrity.  At the end of our lives, I believe it's the only thing we take with us.

Mystery Illness

So I have been on my ass the last couple of days with horrible body aches, chills, low grade fever, and general malaise.  I started feeling crummy on Tuesday afternoon and went home from work a little early.  I woke up in the middle of the night on Wednesday and took another dose of Tylenol and Ibuprofen.  Wednesday I made it up to Pasadena for Ryan's graduation, but I was a mess during the majority of his ceremony and left at 2:30 to head back to OC.

I got in touch with my MD and she wanted me to come in and be seen so I made an appointment for Thursday (yesterday) morning and got blood work done.  My white blood count was elevated double the normal numbers and I felt totally crappy.  Last night, I got a call from the doctor at 9:30 that she was concerned about the WBC and wanted to make sure that if I felt worse in any way I went to the ED over night.

This morning she emailed me and wanted me to get to the main lab at the hospital for another round of more serious blood and urinalysis.  Turns out I have a UTI or bladder infection as well as the YI which was probably why my WBC was so high.  It could be that I had those vaccines earlier this week and they distracted my immune system so that my YI progressed into a UTI.  Or maybe I had both but I couldn't really tell because I didn't have a frequent urge to pee.

As Carina said when I texted her, "WTF you're a mess!"  So now I have a prescription in at the pharmacy that should be ready to be picked up in about 45 minutes.  Hopefully that will start to get everything back to normal.  My WBC had dropped from 18.9 yesterday to 16 today so that's a good sign!

Hopefully things are going to be turning around for me here soon because on dear Lord I cannot manage this crappiness for much longer.  I am also really happy my parents will be here tonight and they'll be able to take care of me this weekend while Sammy's on call.

I should note that Hunter has been quite the little nurse during my illness and he hasn't really left my side.  Yes, there has been more barking than I'd like, but overall he has been a little gentleman sitting with me on the couch.  

Respect for Military Families

Mom and Dad arrive tomorrow for the next wedding (Wedding Season 2013 may be our busiest yet) of the year.  Their Goddaughter is getting married in San Juan Capistrano kind of at the last minute because her fiancee has been deployed to the coast of North Korea (I think) and he will be shipping out prior to their original wedding date.

This is actually the second couple I have personally known who've had to change their wedding plans based on a change in deployment plans.  It's just really tough to think that you'd plan so much for this day and spend all this money and then something so huge comes up that is completely out of your control and you just have to go with it.  No questions asked.  No temper tantrums.  You give everything up and just make it work.

Military families, especially wives and husbands, are so fascinating to me.  I mean seriously, we talk about how strong and resilient the men and women in the armed forces are but the real strength is the people who are left here.  The people who keep the homes and families running all on their own.  Man, I am so impressed.  

I complain about medical school and residency but I am so thankful Sam won't ever have to ship out at the last minute and be away for months at a time.  Yes, our long distance relationship in college was hard, but by the time we were 21 we agreed we didn't want to do anything like that again.  And Sam may go off for a month and do away rotations abroad at some point, but it will be planned and very premeditated- and I can always go visit him!